It’s like I was born with a broken heart. Everything I touch shatters into pieces, With every breath I take, I come apart, Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life, Like I am trapped in the worst matrix, Even hell could be better than this, For the walls keep caving in on me And the cold keeps surrounding me. A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life A package of unknown sicknesses And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis. I can’t handle the pain of my tears, Yet I still battle to understand my purpose, Even when I am stranded alone in the dark For hope is like love, not easy to let go Therefore when my days gets darker I keep holding on For I know the moon lights the night for a reason And someday I might find my moon Or not… But I’ll keep holding on.
When the rain poured, it rained hard Suddenly stuck is what you become For it's hard to hear a soul when thunder strikes loud And you can't feel nobody when darkness curve in It's easier to feel alone when all hope is lost But no matter how bad the rain is, it's also good It wash away the pain, and fill you with faith Faith that love is there but scared It hides away waiting for the storm to fade Waiting for the right moment to endure Waiting for October to start raining, We are loved and mostly by an unknown Remember that when pain hit your soul You are loved in this October. Have Faith in love
Like a devil torturing my skull With a hammer banging my left side Feeling every pain run through my head Causing the blurriness of my eyes And the tasteless of my tongue Enabled the feeling of vomiting My face felt so numb Yet the discomfort of my tears couldn’t be ignored When my heart broke apart Because of the sickness that’s always around For a moment anxiety refused to let me be And life’s unfairness put me to stress And today I woke up with migraine The most painful feeling of them all I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy For in that moment death is all you think of
I woke up with a smile Even though I couldn’t breath I managed to get up When my chest was weighing on me The bath tub filled up with tears Because I couldn’t hold back the pain The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul When the mask trembled down I couldn’t share a smile For what lurks deep inside Is breaking me apart And knowing that I can’t fix it Makes my whole life a misery So I went back to sleep And watch my days turned into nights With no one asking if I am alright Had to tell myself that it’s okay Alone and depress I’ll always be This is a life I was meant to live But I can’t help falling apart
Dear June, I woke up with my head blocked out And my eyes swollen from tears My heart worn out from all the pain Blood boiling cold numbing my skin Enabling all the emotions back The questions of 'what if?' But mostly 'why?' Crumble deep inside my bones With the fear of the future Lurking in the depth of my spine The pain of tomorrow being worse than today Seemed to be the stress I always face, But cannot seem to disappear in my vains For time makes every situation complicated And stress seem to only be multiple As I begged for freedom From thinking of all my pain And June stress to just go away.
I am falling apart With these scars in my heart And my knees on the ground My head smashed on the floor Trying to understand my flaws Yet struggling to subtain my breath Was I really meant to be alive? When death mock me and life hurt me How do I really numb the pain? Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds And tomorrow that is taken by fear In this soul I can not run For there is no soul that could save me Therefore my sorrow weights on me Nothing I could do for tears burns me up So I seek for you, May To merge and restore what’s broken inside And give me a purpose to get off the couch And smile for the sun that shines even in winter For no matter how dead I feel inside
Dear April, I thought I could be the person I was meant to be but life is so hard. And it so cruel. I do not know what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering. Every day when I wake up, I have to drag my self out of bed because I'd rather sleep forever. And I tried hiding the pain by looking good outside but these days it's hard to even pretend. I did all I could to be normal. To live a life that is worth living. I set goals, dressed to kill and I mastered all my skills. I also followed all my dreams. I became the person I wanted to be and yet I failed at everything. But you know everything about my horror and you know that I never gave up even when I said I will. Today my soul is exhausted and I have no strength left in me. Love couldn't safe me instead it broke my mind with confusion. Love is unkind and selfish. I can't pretend no more. I can't feel no more. And I am always scared not only of the unknown but scared of myself. I feel trapped and all that surrounds me is pain. My body and my spirit aches every night and day. And no pill or drug or human can ease it. So all I do is wake up on a couch the whole day, eating and sleeping waiting for my death.
Hard work is not an answer, for no matter how passionate or driven you are, when you not meant to be happy failure will always strike you hard.
But don't worry April, I found peace and I am letting go of everything. And I am letting go of me too. There is nothing I can do, time couldn't avenge me.
I wanted to write my heart out But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self. All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor Feeling the aching twitch of my veins And the trembling pain of my body As I try to acknowledge my broken soul