Emptiness Warm My Heart

Emptiness warm my heart
Fill my soul with self-love
And a free-spirited vibe
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have been ripped apart
Tortured and abused by life
That’s why I am broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
Steal away the trauma in my brain
That enabled the smile to fade away
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
From the coldness of my mental illness
And the bitterness of hurtful pills
Refusing to restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
When I am filling the sea with tears
And screaming for help in the dark
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have suffered, it’s enough!
Plead me to freedom, I beg
To restore what’s broken inside

©Kitty Minaj

To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

Golden August

Dear Golden August

I come to you with a broken heart
No, I mean a broken soul,
For I have a lover with a purest heart
Yet my depression’s trying to tear us apart
I plead to please let me heal
Be kind and restore my sorrow
Make me whole and refill my happiness
For in a few days I will be getting older
And my dreams are slowing fading away
So let me fulfill my goals
And honor my passion
I have so much potential
That is as gold as you, August
And now it hurts to give up
For I am a Leo, a lion
Born to lead and with strength
Witness is not in my blood
So let me face my demon with pride
For gold is meant to shine
And I am not meant to break down
Even with these baggage in my chest
I will try and deal with my pain
This is my special golden month
An opportunity to strive
With positivity and hard work
A boss lady to became
For I am golden
Worthy and strong
Just like you August
So dear, GOLDEN AUGUST
PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE.

Truly golden
KITTY MINAJ

©Kitty Minaj

The Colors Of Love

The colours of love
Shines deep in your eyes
The diamond in the sky
Flourish through your heart
Red was a promise
But it always made me cry
So you painted the sky blue
For me to let go of my baggage up high.
Green was the colour of your spirit
Filled with the goodness of life
But your pain, you couldn’t hide
Yellow led me through your soul
But it sucks I couldn’t heal your sorrow
Yet you still held me in the dark
Somehow black became the colour of our love
It brought us peace and underatanding
Pink became our commitment,
To each other’s downfall.
Till we danced to the lime rhythm
And white filled our floor
That’s when you said, ‘I owe you forever’
And thats when i said, ‘Forever is colourless’
You said, ‘Forget the colour because love is blurry’
Guess thats why we’re floating on the clouds now
Making vows with our bodies
And peace to our imperfections
Love is indeed color blind
And it is up to up to fill it up with colours
Shade every part with truth of relations
Colourless that’s the colour of love.

©Kitty Minaj

Mirror On The Floor

Mirror, mirror on the floor
No one’s knocking on my door
So you held me when I fall
Even though I am the saddest of them all
For I have been damaged since childhood
I am older now but nothings good
My world is falling apart
Tryna fix it but don’t know where to start
Fact is that depresses me all the time
And to breathe sometimes feels like a crime
Basically, it’s just hard to be alive
Wish I can pause everything and take five
Because no matter what I don’t want to die
But it hurts so bad that’s no lie
So how do I let go of the pain inside?
Can’t seem to run away from nor hide
But cry to the mirror on the floor.

©Kitty Minaj

The Influence Of Your Own Eyes

This is life, hope you understand that.
And if you do then you’ll understand that perfection doesn’t exist but being different means you’re outstanding.
It’s not easy being different, I know. In a world where people just look at you with a different eye, making you feel like an alien. In a world where people struggle to love you. And it’s confusing to the girl looking in the mirror, trying to find her missing link, like whats wrong with her, why isn’t she enough.
Why was she cut from a different cloth?
But does it matter what people think
Yes it does because everybody needs somebody, and when that somebody you love despise you, it’s hard to look at the mirror and accept your own reflation.
But it all starts from within and it’s a process.
Forget the quotes that tells you to look deep inside you and blah blah…let’s try something practical like taking a moment to look at your own reflation in the mirror. •Look deep in her/his eyes.
•What does your own eyes tell you
•Do you like you
•Ask your eyes why
•Let the tears fall
•Talk to your eyes
•Tell them you’re hurt
•Get to know your eyes
•Form a friendship
•Or a relationship
•When the tears have dried
•And you’re laughing
•Tell your eyes that you love them
•And kiss your reflation
•Do it everyday repeatedly
•And every time you feel out of place
Because they say a way to a person’s heart is through their eyes therefore I challenge you to also use your own eyes to regain your self love.

PS: I AM STILL TRYING TO WORK ON ME TOO.

I love you therefore you are loved.

©Kitty Minaj

Can’t Force Love

For a long time, I’ve struggled with this thing called love to the point that I believed that love was the destroyer of life. I believed that when you’re in love that’s when you get hurt more. But that all changed when I myself fell in love.
I was so depressed at one point and love found me, and made me blossom to a new and awesome environment. I never thought that I could be happy until I saw his face looking back at me. Who knew that a human could make the world a better place, could make life seem exciting and worth living.
But nothing last forever and that’s fact. And what’s more painful is when you’re attached. He fall out of love with me, he started to mistreat me by all means. The paradise I was in become real hell, but I refused to let go and I stack around hoping the devil would change back to being an angel.
I told myself that one-sided love is enough for both of us but that only made me miserable and sad. I lost my self trying to make him love me. And now after all I’ve done and given him, he disappeared with no trace and I was left more broken than I was before. Though that wasn’t loves fault but mine.
I refused to let go when I had too. I lost myself trying to find him back in my life. I forget to love me and put myself first. I lost me and my worth. Love is great but people are not.
We blame love for being blind where-else we choose to be blind to our situation. We prefer comfort over what we really deserve.
And I learn that you can’t force love, that thing works on it’s own with it’s own mind. If it’s not meant to be let it go. Because the only thing you can do is give someone a chance to love you back. Don’t force them to love you. Love yourself enough to be loved back.

March Motivation

Dear March

As I am writing this latter, I am deep in tears but don’t worry I am about to wipe them away.
See, life hasn’t been easy for me at all. For about 12 years now; I’ve been through hell and back, kissed the demons and dated the devil, my soul lived in fire and my heart was drowning in lava, and for long time I longed for rain but only thunder came like rainbow.
Depression became my worst enemy. But he taught me to be kind and be a better person, he gave me so much strength and power letting me know I can do anything I set my mind into but he also reminded me that life is controlled by nature and every decisions we make have to be approved by nature, and I realize that nature is not by my self, it doesn’t favor me any how.
It took me a long time to accept the girl looking back at me in the mirror but with anxiety, you learn to accept your flaws because when anxiety strikes, you feel your whole life caving in on you and the more you try to break out it’s the more it close in on you to the point that you can barely breathe. Then for a while you learn to relax and that’s when you’re able to breath again.
Its not fun to take mental pills, it hurts when you have to depend on the mood pill to keep your moods in-check and to depend on the sleeping pills to keep you from restless nights. But life is a journey, March, and I am learning everyday because looking back its been a long roller coaster and a never ending one.
Yesterday I went to bed, with a mind set on giving up on life because I couldn’t bare the pain anymore. It hurts to be alive and that’s a fact. And more painful to breath with mental illness but death isn’t an opinion. I don’t know why I am alive but I am willing to explore my purpose again.
Today I woke up really sad but that motivated me to work on myself. I don’t like this feeling at all. I am going to keep working as hard as I used to because giving up is now who I am. I love to write, March, and that’s what makes me feel alive and loved, I will live to write and express my feelings to the world while helping others whom are going through what I am going through, I want to let them know that they are not alone even though they feel alone. I don’t have a friend or anybody to talk too but my blog.
Therefore today I am choosing to succeed in my failures. I am choosing to work hard and keep my dreams alive. I wont try anything else that’s going to break my heart. I wont try to make money at all. I will keep writing with no financial benefit because writing makes me happy.
I am going to let my fashion control my moods. Style makes me feel loved and normal in a unique way. I will exercise everyday to gain my self-esteem and read everyday to keep my mind healthy. I will eat as much as I can to keep my life in balance.
And I need your help March, to make all these goals come true. I ask for you to be kind on me. You’re support will be much appreciated.
MARCH.

Love
Kitty

Valentine Of A Broken Soul

Widows break in silent
Leting the cold brews in
Blowing away the love in my mind
And reminding me of the scars inside
That i can not run away from
The pain inside reflected to this day
A day of love and appreciation
With no one by my side
But the girl in the mirror
Showing me the truth of life
To love myself with no doubt
To accept my soul with no wounds
And to appreciate my life with no complain
For to live is a blessing
And to feel is to Love
Happy Valentine’s day to myself.

Hello Feb-Love

We’re never prepared for a month like this
For it’s a month of romance and lovers bliss
And it’s sucks when you’re not in a relationship
Because it hurts when you see lovers kiss
Knowing you don’t have nobody in your list
To celebrate this love month with you as their miss
To show that you are loved and you are missed

But if you have no lover in your life
Just know that you can love yourself
For real love comes from within
And its okay to show love for yourself
And spoil yourself on this valentines day
For Feb-love is for everyone
Especially for self love.
Hello Feb-LOVE.

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