The colours of love Shines deep in your eyes The diamond in the sky Flourish through your heart Red was a promise But it always made me cry So you painted the sky blue For me to let go of my baggage up high. Green was the colour of your spirit Filled with the goodness of life But your pain, you couldn’t hide Yellow led me through your soul But it sucks I couldn’t heal your sorrow Yet you still held me in the dark Somehow black became the colour of our love It brought us peace and underatanding Pink became our commitment, To each other’s downfall. Till we danced to the lime rhythm And white filled our floor That’s when you said, ‘I owe you forever’ And thats when i said, ‘Forever is colourless’ You said, ‘Forget the colour because love is blurry’ Guess thats why we’re floating on the clouds now Making vows with our bodies And peace to our imperfections Love is indeed color blind And it is up to up to fill it up with colours Shade every part with truth of relations Colourless that’s the colour of love.
Mirror, mirror on the floor No one’s knocking on my door So you held me when I fall Even though I am the saddest of them all For I have been damaged since childhood I am older now but nothings good My world is falling apart Tryna fix it but don’t know where to start Fact is that depresses me all the time And to breathe sometimes feels like a crime Basically, it’s just hard to be alive Wish I can pause everything and take five Because no matter what I don’t want to die But it hurts so bad that’s no lie So how do I let go of the pain inside? Can’t seem to run away from nor hide But cry to the mirror on the floor.
This is life, hope you understand that. And if you do then you’ll understand that perfection doesn’t exist but being different means you’re outstanding. It’s not easy being different, I know. In a world where people just look at you with a different eye, making you feel like an alien. In a world where people struggle to love you. And it’s confusing to the girl looking in the mirror, trying to find her missing link, like whats wrong with her, why isn’t she enough. Why was she cut from a different cloth? But does it matter what people think Yes it does because everybody needs somebody, and when that somebody you love despise you, it’s hard to look at the mirror and accept your own reflation. But it all starts from within and it’s a process. Forget the quotes that tells you to look deep inside you and blah blah…let’s try something practical like taking a moment to look at your own reflation in the mirror. •Look deep in her/his eyes. •What does your own eyes tell you •Do you like you •Ask your eyes why •Let the tears fall •Talk to your eyes •Tell them you’re hurt •Get to know your eyes •Form a friendship •Or a relationship •When the tears have dried •And you’re laughing •Tell your eyes that you love them •And kiss your reflation •Do it everyday repeatedly •And every time you feel out of place Because they say a way to a person’s heart is through their eyes therefore I challenge you to also use your own eyes to regain your self love.
For a long time, I’ve struggled with this thing called love to the point that I believed that love was the destroyer of life. I believed that when you’re in love that’s when you get hurt more. But that all changed when I myself fell in love. I was so depressed at one point and love found me, and made me blossom to a new and awesome environment. I never thought that I could be happy until I saw his face looking back at me. Who knew that a human could make the world a better place, could make life seem exciting and worth living. But nothing last forever and that’s fact. And what’s more painful is when you’re attached. He fall out of love with me, he started to mistreat me by all means. The paradise I was in become real hell, but I refused to let go and I stack around hoping the devil would change back to being an angel. I told myself that one-sided love is enough for both of us but that only made me miserable and sad. I lost my self trying to make him love me. And now after all I’ve done and given him, he disappeared with no trace and I was left more broken than I was before. Though that wasn’t loves fault but mine. I refused to let go when I had too. I lost myself trying to find him back in my life. I forget to love me and put myself first. I lost me and my worth. Love is great but people are not. We blame love for being blind where-else we choose to be blind to our situation. We prefer comfort over what we really deserve. And I learn that you can’t force love, that thing works on it’s own with it’s own mind. If it’s not meant to be let it go. Because the only thing you can do is give someone a chance to love you back. Don’t force them to love you. Love yourself enough to be loved back.
As I am writing this latter, I am deep in tears but don’t worry I am about to wipe them away. See, life hasn’t been easy for me at all. For about 12 years now; I’ve been through hell and back, kissed the demons and dated the devil, my soul lived in fire and my heart was drowning in lava, and for long time I longed for rain but only thunder came like rainbow. Depression became my worst enemy. But he taught me to be kind and be a better person, he gave me so much strength and power letting me know I can do anything I set my mind into but he also reminded me that life is controlled by nature and every decisions we make have to be approved by nature, and I realize that nature is not by my self, it doesn’t favor me any how. It took me a long time to accept the girl looking back at me in the mirror but with anxiety, you learn to accept your flaws because when anxiety strikes, you feel your whole life caving in on you and the more you try to break out it’s the more it close in on you to the point that you can barely breathe. Then for a while you learn to relax and that’s when you’re able to breath again. Its not fun to take mental pills, it hurts when you have to depend on the mood pill to keep your moods in-check and to depend on the sleeping pills to keep you from restless nights. But life is a journey, March, and I am learning everyday because looking back its been a long roller coaster and a never ending one. Yesterday I went to bed, with a mind set on giving up on life because I couldn’t bare the pain anymore. It hurts to be alive and that’s a fact. And more painful to breath with mental illness but death isn’t an opinion. I don’t know why I am alive but I am willing to explore my purpose again. Today I woke up really sad but that motivated me to work on myself. I don’t like this feeling at all. I am going to keep working as hard as I used to because giving up is now who I am. I love to write, March, and that’s what makes me feel alive and loved, I will live to write and express my feelings to the world while helping others whom are going through what I am going through, I want to let them know that they are not alone even though they feel alone. I don’t have a friend or anybody to talk too but my blog. Therefore today I am choosing to succeed in my failures. I am choosing to work hard and keep my dreams alive. I wont try anything else that’s going to break my heart. I wont try to make money at all. I will keep writing with no financial benefit because writing makes me happy. I am going to let my fashion control my moods. Style makes me feel loved and normal in a unique way. I will exercise everyday to gain my self-esteem and read everyday to keep my mind healthy. I will eat as much as I can to keep my life in balance. And I need your help March, to make all these goals come true. I ask for you to be kind on me. You’re support will be much appreciated. MARCH.
Widows break in silent
Leting the cold brews in
Blowing away the love in my mind
And reminding me of the scars inside
That i can not run away from
The pain inside reflected to this day
A day of love and appreciation
With no one by my side
But the girl in the mirror
Showing me the truth of life
To love myself with no doubt
To accept my soul with no wounds
And to appreciate my life with no complain
For to live is a blessing
And to feel is to Love
Happy Valentine’s day to myself.
We’re never prepared for a month like this For it’s a month of romance and lovers bliss And it’s sucks when you’re not in a relationship Because it hurts when you see lovers kiss Knowing you don’t have nobody in your list To celebrate this love month with you as their miss To show that you are loved and you are missed
But if you have no lover in your life Just know that you can love yourself For real love comes from within And its okay to show love for yourself And spoil yourself on this valentines day For Feb-love is for everyone Especially for self love.
With all the bad deeds thats happening in my life And with depression trying to break me apart Struggling to breath with these Anxiety attacks Facing the walls of failure that i can’t break Today i took time to let go of this pain The baggage is heavy Yet peace is free So i took a breath And let tranquil fill my life