Mental Health · Motivation

Holding On

It’s like I was born with a broken heart.
Everything I touch shatters into pieces,
With every breath I take, I come apart,
Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life,
Like I am trapped in the worst matrix,
Even hell could be better than this,
For the walls keep caving in on me
And the cold keeps surrounding me.
A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life
A package of unknown sicknesses
And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis.
I can’t handle the pain of my tears,
Yet I still battle to understand my purpose,
Even when I am stranded alone in the dark
For hope is like love, not easy to let go
Therefore when my days gets darker
I keep holding on
For I know the moon lights the night for a reason
And someday I might find my moon
Or not…
But I’ll keep holding on.

©Kitty Minaj

Cruelty Of Not Knowing · Gucc! · love

Will I Break?

Will I break?
If I decide to forgive
Not just me but everyone
Including love for everything he did and will still do

Will I break?
If I stripped down naked
And he sees all he wanted to see
Including the flaws and insecurities

Will I break?
If I let him mend my broken heart
Trusting he won’t break it more
As I let him see my vulnerability

Will I break?
If I just love him without fear
Being all that he needs and wants
And never expecting his love back

Will I break?
If I just put my trust in him
And never doubt his love
Yet appreciate all his effort and the years

Will I break?
If I just forget about this question
Because he knows my issues yet his still here
Imperfect yet he holds me like a goddess.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression

Won’t Miss Tomorrow

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is not just far and cruel
Yet filled with unknown adventures
That a destined to break my heart

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it scarier than the dark
And you get to watch the knife,
Gets in right through your skin

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it doesn’t know kindness
And it destroys happiness
Leaving me all depressed

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is worse than today
It trumbles deep into your wounds
Making them hurt even more

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is full of pain
A battle I always seem to lose
Yet struggles I always gain

I won’t miss tomorrow
For time has proven to not heal
Yet lingers in more damage
That destroyed my faith of living.

©Kitty Minaj

love · Poetry

How Do I Forgive?

How do you forgive?
The smile that brighten your day
But now darkening your faith
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The eyes that showed you peace
But now showing you pain
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The warmth of his touch
But now feels so cold
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The pleasure that filled you up
But now breaking you apart
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The only heart that was made for you
But now just confusingly distant
Yet you can’t let go

How do you forgive?
The one that showed you love
But now breaking your heart
Yet you can’t let go

How do I forgive?
You, the one I love so much
But now hate with all my being
Yet resentment I remain without letting go.

©Kitty Minaj

love

Words Vs Feelings

I said I am not going to cry
With tears in my eyes
Flawing hard like someone died
It felt like my heart did

I said he is not worth it
Yet I need him more
So how do I let it go
It felt like I crashed my soul

I said it’s okay,It’ll pass
But holding on to him feels right
Or am I lying to myself
It felt like I was a fool

I said no more Relationships
But I need love so bad
Yet I keep messing up
It felt like I’ll never be loved.

©Kitty Minaj

Gucc! · love

Why Is Love So Forgiving?

•For it is filled with anger
But holds no grudge
•It hurts so much
Yet it’s the amazing kinda hurt
•It is an emotional ride
That is filled with so much warmth
•It breaks you apart
But filles you up inside
•It makes you cry everynight
Yet gives you joy everyday
•Love is not so easy
But it is patient and indeed so kind
•Love is Forgiving
For it is pure and when it is true.

©Kitty Minaj

love

When The Warmth Fade Away

When the warmth fade away
And there is no reason to stay
Even when he does good
Can’t help but let go of the loop
For once you truly understand your worth
For you’ve been giving your all
For Someone that’s capable of letting you fall
After showing so much love and passion
Yet lies at every occasion
Making you feel stupid and dumb
Forgetting that there will come a time
When you finally open your eyes
And wipe the tears of all your cries
And then realize…
That love is like a mortal
Imperfect and fragile
A battle field I failed to win
Heartbreak I could have seen
Yet charm fooled my soul
Til in your arms I felt so cold
And mouth left with no words to say

As your warmth fade away.

©Kitty Minaj

love

Time To Let Go

It’s time to grow up
I’ve been messed up a lot
For I refused to let you go
Was afraid to be left alone

But you’ve played with my mind
While wounding my heart
And breaking my trust
Now I am scared to love

I’ve watched you walk out
Came back and fuck me around
Your spear of lust, hurts so much
And your kisses left me bruised

I found my heart in your trash
Why would you make me feel this worthless
How could I let you mistreat my love
Guess it’s time to let you go now.

©Kitty Minaj

Gucc! · love

Love That Lasts Forever

I admit I'm not over the past
Because it hurts every time you text me
Just know that I don't blame you
For I failed to make you love me
It sucks that I'm still angry 
Because when you say I love you
I want to cream I hate you
crazy that with all the pain
I still can't run away from you
 I don't know what the future holds
But I feel like I'll be holding your hand
Even with all the drama
I know this love will last forever.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · love · Mental Health · suicide note · The mask

It Hurts Like Hell

It hurts…

When it hurts like hell
I tried to overdose
But no amount of medicine,
Can numb the pain inside
Instead it makes you feel worse.

When it hurts like hell
I tried to seek for help
But no human,
Can take away the misery
Instead they break you badly.

When it hurts like hell
I ran to him
But not even love,
Can heal the wounds in your sorrow
Instead it lesion even more.

When it hurts like hell
I killed myself
But not even death,
Can handle my heavy baggage
Instead it denied my soul.

When it hurts like hell
I finally gave up
For hell seem even better
Because this nightmare is curse too
And can’t escape from yourself

I let it hurt like hell