I woke up with a smile Even though I couldn’t breath I managed to get up When my chest was weighing on me The bath tub filled up with tears Because I couldn’t hold back the pain The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul When the mask trembled down I couldn’t share a smile For what lurks deep inside Is breaking me apart And knowing that I can’t fix it Makes my whole life a misery So I went back to sleep And watch my days turned into nights With no one asking if I am alright Had to tell myself that it’s okay Alone and depress I’ll always be This is a life I was meant to live But I can’t help falling apart
Dear June, I woke up with my head blocked out And my eyes swollen from tears My heart worn out from all the pain Blood boiling cold numbing my skin Enabling all the emotions back The questions of 'what if?' But mostly 'why?' Crumble deep inside my bones With the fear of the future Lurking in the depth of my spine The pain of tomorrow being worse than today Seemed to be the stress I always face, But cannot seem to disappear in my vains For time makes every situation complicated And stress seem to only be multiple As I begged for freedom From thinking of all my pain And June stress to just go away.
I am falling apart With these scars in my heart And my knees on the ground My head smashed on the floor Trying to understand my flaws Yet struggling to subtain my breath Was I really meant to be alive? When death mock me and life hurt me How do I really numb the pain? Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds And tomorrow that is taken by fear In this soul I can not run For there is no soul that could save me Therefore my sorrow weights on me Nothing I could do for tears burns me up So I seek for you, May To merge and restore what’s broken inside And give me a purpose to get off the couch And smile for the sun that shines even in winter For no matter how dead I feel inside
Like a lightning ray clamming from afar I wished for a shooting star A wish that could redeem my heart A soul that could save my life An extra breath that could warm my skin A truest life that consume my loneliness But like a star it’s out of my reach A distant faith I longed to have But a cursed soul I remain alone With no smile to share the scars No laughter to endorse the silence Enchanted a broken love it is Tears rejoiced my twisted faith Walls filled my unspoken words Pain took over my darkest world Demons became my remedy A best friend I longed to have Is a shadow that left my sight.
Dear April, I thought I could be the person I was meant to be but life is so hard. And it so cruel. I do not know what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering. Every day when I wake up, I have to drag my self out of bed because I'd rather sleep forever. And I tried hiding the pain by looking good outside but these days it's hard to even pretend. I did all I could to be normal. To live a life that is worth living. I set goals, dressed to kill and I mastered all my skills. I also followed all my dreams. I became the person I wanted to be and yet I failed at everything. But you know everything about my horror and you know that I never gave up even when I said I will. Today my soul is exhausted and I have no strength left in me. Love couldn't safe me instead it broke my mind with confusion. Love is unkind and selfish. I can't pretend no more. I can't feel no more. And I am always scared not only of the unknown but scared of myself. I feel trapped and all that surrounds me is pain. My body and my spirit aches every night and day. And no pill or drug or human can ease it. So all I do is wake up on a couch the whole day, eating and sleeping waiting for my death.
Hard work is not an answer, for no matter how passionate or driven you are, when you not meant to be happy failure will always strike you hard.
But don't worry April, I found peace and I am letting go of everything. And I am letting go of me too. There is nothing I can do, time couldn't avenge me.
I wanted to write my heart out But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self. All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor Feeling the aching twitch of my veins And the trembling pain of my body As I try to acknowledge my broken soul
Trapped by my own mind When life became unkind I was broken inside Nothing in my life was right My world was falling apart Humanity continued to rip my heart I had no where to run Got to pull a trigger in this gun For time couldn’t heal my pain Wounds was all I could gain Rapped by my own fears Drowning in my own tears Scotch by expectations Wrinkled was the situation A life in darkness I remained in my own nest Being alive felt like a crime Wrinkle was my time
When the night falls upon us And most souls lurks their snore I lay awake in my sleep Tossing and turning every second Like I have bugs in my bed The demons of the night wrestle my soul And my mind drowning in thoughts While my hearts breaking apart Reminiscing about my struggles Till my body shut still Feeling numb yet still in pain Tears falling like rainfall Why, filled my mind with anger Asleep is God upon me While the devil troubles my sorrow Depression took away my sleep Anxiety introduced me to Insomnia Awake I become during the night Exhausting my life become each day.
Twinkling star beneath my feet Yet my sky is shaded black Take me high above the moon Let me cry out like a wolf Fill my soul just like the night Let me rest without a scare Hold me tight, be my demon Free my mind and let me smile.
Help me, I am barely alive Roaming the dark streets like a thug Counting the stars from up above Seeking a way to live my life Or just a hand to help me up Searching for a soul to better my life Or a word to lie that I am loved Instead of voices screaming I should die Breaking my soul and wrecking my heart Confusing my purpose and ruining my smile Banished is how I feel inside With no one around to tell me otherwise But the scars of the wounds I carry, That hurts more than life itself So I pled for you to feel my pain Numb the misery inside Help me heal or take away my life For I am barely alive