Mental Health · Motivation

Holding On

It’s like I was born with a broken heart.
Everything I touch shatters into pieces,
With every breath I take, I come apart,
Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life,
Like I am trapped in the worst matrix,
Even hell could be better than this,
For the walls keep caving in on me
And the cold keeps surrounding me.
A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life
A package of unknown sicknesses
And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis.
I can’t handle the pain of my tears,
Yet I still battle to understand my purpose,
Even when I am stranded alone in the dark
For hope is like love, not easy to let go
Therefore when my days gets darker
I keep holding on
For I know the moon lights the night for a reason
And someday I might find my moon
Or not…
But I’ll keep holding on.

©Kitty Minaj

love · self love

Loved In October

When the rain poured, it rained hard
Suddenly stuck is what you become
For it's hard to hear a soul when thunder strikes loud
And you can't feel nobody when darkness curve in
It's easier to feel alone when all hope is lost
But no matter how bad the rain is, it's also good
It wash away the pain, and fill you with faith
Faith that love is there but scared
It hides away waiting for the storm to fade
Waiting for the right moment to endure
Waiting for October to start raining,
We are loved and mostly by an unknown
Remember that when pain hit your soul
You are loved in this October.
Have Faith in love

©Kitty Minaj
love

I Gave You All Of Me

I gave you all of me
My endless time of infinity
When you promised me forever
Yet all you gave was your excuses

I gave you all of me
My innocence of pure love
When you promised no harm
Yet all you gave was pain

I gave you all of me
The warmth of my being
When you promised to care
Yet all you gave was distance

I gave you all of me
My purest heart of love
When you promised to love me
Yet all you gave was lies

I gave you all of me
All that I am and wish to be
When all you do is break me apart
And all you gave was empty promises

©Kitty Minaj

self love

Sad September

The morning rose like a dream
When sad September bloomed in a dark
With a twinkle of positivity
A hope of the most wounded soul
He broke my heart, I shed a smile
She distant herself, I loved the loneliness
I felt so much pain, I rejoice the hurt
I lost myself, and saw my strength
Forever I shall be this broken
And forever I shall be all alone
But in Sad September, I am okay
I am not sad, for I am strong
I am not sad, for I am savage
I can't be bend down or demolish
I am mental unstable but powerful
More powerful when I am sad,
Crying a river yet watering my garden
So in this sad September,
I am going to live my life...normal
Happily but alone.
For I love being on my own.

©Kitty Minaj
Cruelty Of Not Knowing · Gucc! · love

Will I Break?

Will I break?
If I decide to forgive
Not just me but everyone
Including love for everything he did and will still do

Will I break?
If I stripped down naked
And he sees all he wanted to see
Including the flaws and insecurities

Will I break?
If I let him mend my broken heart
Trusting he won’t break it more
As I let him see my vulnerability

Will I break?
If I just love him without fear
Being all that he needs and wants
And never expecting his love back

Will I break?
If I just put my trust in him
And never doubt his love
Yet appreciate all his effort and the years

Will I break?
If I just forget about this question
Because he knows my issues yet his still here
Imperfect yet he holds me like a goddess.

©Kitty Minaj

love

To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

love

My Parents

My mom, gave birth to me
Held me when I was helpless
Nurture me with no expectations
Loved me with no questions

My dad, supported me
Right from birth, he was there
Tought me how to walk
And loved me even in my worst days

My mom, raised me with care
Did my hair and clean me up
Got me the best clothes
An angel my mom made me

My dad, provided for me
Made sure I had the best education
And limitless opportunities
Wise and independent, dad made me

My parents, years later, still my parents
They still provide for me
Make sure I am happy and fed
And they still support me

My parents, pick me up when I’m down
They are the only people I can run too
Only love that keep me sane
And only true love that’s unconditional

My parents, I took them for granted
Because I thought they just parents
Never thought they understood
Until life knocked me down and they picked me up

My parents, I will forever be indebted
For they know me, the real me
And they respect my soul
They’ll never give up on me

My parents, I love them
For they are a blessing
And they are my strength
They love me just me.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · love

Fix Me, February!

My soul has had enough
In this world I do not belong
Yet I can not seem to escape
Have mercy on me, February
I can’t bare anymore pain
How many times do my heart have to break
In order to gain my freedom of life
Or do I not deserve to live in joy
Do I not deserve to live with love
Fix me, February, my heart aches
Numb my wound and hide the scars
Please restore my sorrow
Fix me, February, it hurts
Trying to breath in darkness
And to smile with so much trauma
Oh please fix me, dear February
Teach me how to forgive
My self for all this pain
And life for being so cruel
Teach me how to love
The smallest things life has to offer
And myself when love’s being distant.

©Kitty Minaj

love

Happy New Year

Happy New Year
Love Called at 23:59
But anger pushed it away
At 00:00 love come with a huge smile
I didnt know why a new year was happy
Until love held my hand
It gave me hope
And it told me, this is a new start
You’re free, to change for us
To forgive for love
To accept the doings of nature
Love then squeeze me so tight
In the arms of love I felt pain
Then love said, it’s going to be okay
I am not going anywhere
I’ll be here when you need me
Love then kissed my forehead
And said, happy new year, mental patient
I giggled, and couldn’t stop smiling
It was a happy NEW YEAR INDEED.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

©Kitty Minaj

love · Poetry

How Do I Forgive?

How do you forgive?
The smile that brighten your day
But now darkening your faith
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The eyes that showed you peace
But now showing you pain
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The warmth of his touch
But now feels so cold
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The pleasure that filled you up
But now breaking you apart
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The only heart that was made for you
But now just confusingly distant
Yet you can’t let go

How do you forgive?
The one that showed you love
But now breaking your heart
Yet you can’t let go

How do I forgive?
You, the one I love so much
But now hate with all my being
Yet resentment I remain without letting go.

©Kitty Minaj