Couldn’t Give Me A Chance

To My Unborn Child

I don’t know why you had to leave so soon. If you went ready, you shouldn’t have came because now I have fallen in love with you. I know it’s so soon but I have longed for the day that I’ll get to hold you, see your pretty face and your tiny body. I swear I would have loved you more than anything in this world. Because I already did.

I apologize if my womb wasn’t comfortable for you. Maybe you would’ve stayed. I’m a messed up being and that I know, honey I’m broken and i dont know how to deal with that. You felt that, maybe that’s why you left. You couldn’t bare the pain of being with me and so is your dad and everyone I know.

I am unloved but I know how to love, and I loved you so much without even seeing your face. The morning sicknesses wasn’t easy to deal with, the laziness, the stomach cramp, back pain and feeling bloated was crazy for me but it was worth it. My mind was set on seeing you. And I wished you could have waited abit longer.

I wish you gave me a chance. To be a better person and an awesome mom. I believe you were my pain relief, I thought I’d learn the unconditional love. I was ready to make you happy, I was ready to do anything for you. Kill for you, bend and break for you, love and hate for you. Do everything and anything just to see you smile and be truly happy.

I was ready. I was ready for you. I don’t have much to give but I was going to spoil you so much. Feed you all the sugars in the world, I’m joking about that, but all I am trying to say is that I was ready to give you what you need, this and that expect for sugar. I was ready to see you grow into a man or woman you wish to be. And I vowed that I’ll support you in any dream you have, cause I remember having crazy dreams that were smart and all I needed was support.

Maybe I wished to much and you couldn’t bare it. Sad thing is that I already visualized you and how you’d be. And I felt you’d be like your dad but with my mindset. Have his hazel eye lens but the shape be mine. Have my smile and his attitude. Be optimistic like him yet kind like I am. Have my legs and a body like his. Be light skinned like him and bold like me. Be a dreamer like me and a hustler like both of us.

I hope you’re just as I imagine. I’m sorry we couldnt meet in person. And i am not mad that you couldnt stay even though i dont understand. I feel like its my fault. If it is, then I apologize for everything. I wish you gave me a chance. Just one chance. It’s okay now. Yet it hurts. Especially when months pass by and knowing anytime soon, you would be here yet you not.

I’ll miss you. Sucks that I didn’t even get a chance to see if you had a huge head like your father. I hope not. Your name will remain yours. For you were not a mistake. That’s why losing you hurts so much because I have lost a part of me and that is you. My world is collapsing just thinking of you and what you could’ve been. The me i couldn’t be. Rest In Peace My Baby, let your spirit be with me forever. For I’ll never forget you and who you were suppose to be.

Love, Your Unseen Mom

©Kitty Minaj