I am falling apart With these scars in my heart And my knees on the ground My head smashed on the floor Trying to understand my flaws Yet struggling to subtain my breath Was I really meant to be alive? When death mock me and life hurt me How do I really numb the pain? Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds And tomorrow that is taken by fear In this soul I can not run For there is no soul that could save me Therefore my sorrow weights on me Nothing I could do for tears burns me up So I seek for you, May To merge and restore what’s broken inside And give me a purpose to get off the couch And smile for the sun that shines even in winter For no matter how dead I feel inside
Like a lightning ray clamming from afar I wished for a shooting star A wish that could redeem my heart A soul that could save my life An extra breath that could warm my skin A truest life that consume my loneliness But like a star it’s out of my reach A distant faith I longed to have But a cursed soul I remain alone With no smile to share the scars No laughter to endorse the silence Enchanted a broken love it is Tears rejoiced my twisted faith Walls filled my unspoken words Pain took over my darkest world Demons became my remedy A best friend I longed to have Is a shadow that left my sight.
Dear April, I thought I could be the person I was meant to be but life is so hard. And it so cruel. I do not know what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering. Every day when I wake up, I have to drag my self out of bed because I'd rather sleep forever. And I tried hiding the pain by looking good outside but these days it's hard to even pretend. I did all I could to be normal. To live a life that is worth living. I set goals, dressed to kill and I mastered all my skills. I also followed all my dreams. I became the person I wanted to be and yet I failed at everything. But you know everything about my horror and you know that I never gave up even when I said I will. Today my soul is exhausted and I have no strength left in me. Love couldn't safe me instead it broke my mind with confusion. Love is unkind and selfish. I can't pretend no more. I can't feel no more. And I am always scared not only of the unknown but scared of myself. I feel trapped and all that surrounds me is pain. My body and my spirit aches every night and day. And no pill or drug or human can ease it. So all I do is wake up on a couch the whole day, eating and sleeping waiting for my death.
Hard work is not an answer, for no matter how passionate or driven you are, when you not meant to be happy failure will always strike you hard.
But don't worry April, I found peace and I am letting go of everything. And I am letting go of me too. There is nothing I can do, time couldn't avenge me.
Crystal darken my vein Blooded became my eyes Dried was the cry of tears That lurks deep in my soul Consuming the passion of my pain Deep within a wounded heart Lies a crystal of the world Yet heaven stolen the peace Of a hell reflected in my mirror Frozen was the flash of warmth Filled with pure hate That protects a wondering life Devowed by a dark crystal.
I took a leap of faith And dried my tears I looked beyond the pain And consoled my sorrows I forgave my choices And celebrated my mistakes I held my self up And let go of my regrets I moved on from the past And planned my future I learned to love myself And I found true love But all of that couldn’t heal my scars And my wounds got worser For trouble never ends.
I am lost The darkness surrounds me It’s getting so cold I’m all alone With no one to hold My world is so empty All what’s left is pain No sunshine to light up my way Just never ending rain I drown in tears My heart is crying No one seems to notice My soul is dying.