I Blamed Me

I blamed me
For ever being born
Without a purpose
And passion weighting on me

I blamed me
For my mother’s tears
And my father’s hatreds
Including my lovers lack of love

I blamed me
For all the nights I cried
For the pain in my heart
Wishing I could die

I blamed me
For being unhappy
For who I was born to be
And the struggles of my life

I blamed me
For all that I am
And what I fail to be
But all that I have became

I blamed me
Because I am me
I refused to be anybody
But broken Lee.

©Kitty Minaj

If The Wind Had A Heart

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to touch
Would it hold me very tight
And dry away my tears

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to see
Would it surround my sorrow
And blew away my broken heart

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to feel
Would it blew apart
As it notice the pain inside

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to care
Would it feel my struggles
And chase away my pain

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to love
Would it always blew around me
And fill me with joy

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to heal
Would it numb my wounds
Or fade away the scars

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to decide
Would it let me live in misery
Or let me rest in peace??

©Kitty Minaj

It Hurts Like Hell

It hurts…

When it hurts like hell
I tried to overdose
But no amount of medicine,
Can numb the pain inside
Instead it makes you feel worse.

When it hurts like hell
I tried to seek for help
But no human,
Can take away the misery
Instead they break you badly.

When it hurts like hell
I ran to him
But not even love,
Can heal the wounds in your sorrow
Instead it lesion even more.

When it hurts like hell
I killed myself
But not even death,
Can handle my heavy baggage
Instead it denied my soul.

When it hurts like hell
I finally gave up
For hell seem even better
Because this nightmare is curse too
And can’t escape from yourself

I let it hurt like hell

The Colors Of Love

The colours of love
Shines deep in your eyes
The diamond in the sky
Flourish through your heart
Red was a promise
But it always made me cry
So you painted the sky blue
For me to let go of my baggage up high.
Green was the colour of your spirit
Filled with the goodness of life
But your pain, you couldn’t hide
Yellow led me through your soul
But it sucks I couldn’t heal your sorrow
Yet you still held me in the dark
Somehow black became the colour of our love
It brought us peace and underatanding
Pink became our commitment,
To each other’s downfall.
Till we danced to the lime rhythm
And white filled our floor
That’s when you said, ‘I owe you forever’
And thats when i said, ‘Forever is colourless’
You said, ‘Forget the colour because love is blurry’
Guess thats why we’re floating on the clouds now
Making vows with our bodies
And peace to our imperfections
Love is indeed color blind
And it is up to up to fill it up with colours
Shade every part with truth of relations
Colourless that’s the colour of love.

©Kitty Minaj

How Do I Love Me?

How Do I Love Me?
I asked, looking at the reflation of a broken girl
Her eyes blood red
She doesn’t want to be alive

How do I love me?
When I can’t stop the overflowing tears
That comes like a heavy rain
Even when I am very happy

How do I love me?
With all this pain in my chest
And anxiety choking my neck
While depression destroys my brain

How do I love me?
With all the abuses from my past
And voices telling me I am not enough
I’ll never make it alive

How do I love me?
When everytime I wake up with a smile
They throw stones of hate at me
Complaining that I act better than them

How do I love me?
With all the suicidal attempts
Selfishly praying to die
Trying to escape reality

How do I love me?
When you don’t even love me
Hurting me with your lust
And pushing me away with you lie

How do I love me?
When I feel so alone
With no where to hide nor run
And no one to call or talk too

Truth is I do love me?
As me, broken and bruised
Alone and cold with passion
Unloved but alive yet dead inside.

©Kitty Minaj

The Antonym Of Love

Your voice broke my shell,
I couldn’t hide
Touch melted my sorrow,
I couldn’t cry
Your passion destroyed my soul,
I couldn’t write
Your kiss removed my mask,
I couldn’t smile
Your promises brough the sun,
I couldn’t see
Nose sniffed away my pain,
I couldn’t feel
Your lies consumed my brain,
I couldn’t trust
For your eyes showed me LOVE,
I couldn’t keep.

©Kitty Minaj

Hush Broken, Baby

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Go to bed and close your eyes
I know it’s hard but please just try
Say something postive even if it’s lies

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You’re feeling outta place and outta mind
Sadly, it won’t get better that’s no lie
But you got to keep going and be kind

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Got to be strong in this cruel world
Even when the robe needs to be tied
Seems like the only way to reach the Lord

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You can overdose and numb the pain
You’ll just fall alseep but won’t die
Satisfying your suicide thoughts is no gain

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Depression is a phrase and it sucks
Just retreat to your room and outcry
For anxiety is hell but it can bring lucks

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Let your hope fly just like a dove
There’s always someone who’s willing to try
To hold you tight and show you love.

©Kitty Minaj

Incapable Of Healing

Last week I cut my wrist
Trying to escape the bitterness of life
My wound was really deep
For blood was spilling out like water in pipe
But sadly, the knife couldn’t reach my vain
I fall asleep and woke up the next day
Guess the wound wasn’t deep enough
But it did hurt like hell
And with time and with pain pills
The pain vanished like thunder
And blood dried up like rain
Few days passed and the scar healed slowly
That only made me sad…
Sad that some things are able to heal.
Why can’t the wounds of our hearts do the same
why can’t they heal in time
All we get is quotes that claim that things get better with time
But truth is, they don’t.
The pain you feel in your heart is not flexible but stable.
It stays the same.
And no matter how hard you try
It’s hard to get used to it
So do we really heal?
If not… why is the heart incapable of healing.

©Kitty Minaj

Dear Heart, I Am Tired!

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of your doleful moments
Never a flash-back of happiness
Promising me that my life will always be dole

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of you aching every time he leaves
Climbing he’ll never come back
For he never loved me

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the anxiety attacks
Why should I suffer when I breathe
Am I not meant to be alive?

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all my never ending sorrow
The wounds I can’t let go of
Seems to get worse with time

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of wearing this mask
Because it hurt when I smile
For now it seem to be heavier than before

Dear Heart, I’m tired
of life’s cruelty
The endless beating of nature
The infidelity of faith

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all the pain I face
Each day and night it hurts
To be alive and watch you break

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the overflowing tears
The blood red swollen eyes
The draught that won’t seem to dry

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of being tired all the time
Please help and numb the pain
Or just stop beating, so I can rest.

 

Can’t Make You Love Me

Can’t Make You Love Me
Even if I pour my heart out
In public and in the clear
You’ll Still Not See Me

Can’t Make You Love Me
Even if I trade you my pussy
Sex all night, unlimited rounds
You’ll Still not feel me

Can’t make you love me
Even if the earth is at it’s end
And the only way to save it was me
You’ll still not love me

Can’t make you love me
Even if I become your shield
In the mist of death
You’ll still not appreciate me

Can’t make you love me
No matter how much I try
To make you see my love for you
You’ll still not believe me

Can’t make you love me
Even if I force you too
Cause it’s not how you feel inside
But still you’ll only lust me.

Can’t make you love me
Even when I tell you a million times,
How much I Love You
Guess you’ll never love me