It’s like I was born with a broken heart. Everything I touch shatters into pieces, With every breath I take, I come apart, Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life, Like I am trapped in the worst matrix, Even hell could be better than this, For the walls keep caving in on me And the cold keeps surrounding me. A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life A package of unknown sicknesses And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis. I can’t handle the pain of my tears, Yet I still battle to understand my purpose, Even when I am stranded alone in the dark For hope is like love, not easy to let go Therefore when my days gets darker I keep holding on For I know the moon lights the night for a reason And someday I might find my moon Or not… But I’ll keep holding on.
I walk around with a wounded mind Over-analyzing the smallest task And sacrificing my purest heart To a world of cruelest doom Misunderstood by my own people Broken by the one I love most And hurt by life itself Abandon by my greatest demons Left alone with just pain and scars The devil is no where to be found When darkness filled my soul Who can I be when I’m broken? Where can I run when I’m alone? How do I breath in the dark? What happened to love being a savor? Is love a lie? Where hope is all lost And no direction to move forward Knowing I’ll never be okay Do I accepting my faith Or keep hurting?
I woke up with a smile Even though I couldn’t breath I managed to get up When my chest was weighing on me The bath tub filled up with tears Because I couldn’t hold back the pain The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul When the mask trembled down I couldn’t share a smile For what lurks deep inside Is breaking me apart And knowing that I can’t fix it Makes my whole life a misery So I went back to sleep And watch my days turned into nights With no one asking if I am alright Had to tell myself that it’s okay Alone and depress I’ll always be This is a life I was meant to live But I can’t help falling apart
I am falling apart With these scars in my heart And my knees on the ground My head smashed on the floor Trying to understand my flaws Yet struggling to subtain my breath Was I really meant to be alive? When death mock me and life hurt me How do I really numb the pain? Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds And tomorrow that is taken by fear In this soul I can not run For there is no soul that could save me Therefore my sorrow weights on me Nothing I could do for tears burns me up So I seek for you, May To merge and restore what’s broken inside And give me a purpose to get off the couch And smile for the sun that shines even in winter For no matter how dead I feel inside
Like a lightning ray clamming from afar I wished for a shooting star A wish that could redeem my heart A soul that could save my life An extra breath that could warm my skin A truest life that consume my loneliness But like a star it’s out of my reach A distant faith I longed to have But a cursed soul I remain alone With no smile to share the scars No laughter to endorse the silence Enchanted a broken love it is Tears rejoiced my twisted faith Walls filled my unspoken words Pain took over my darkest world Demons became my remedy A best friend I longed to have Is a shadow that left my sight.
Dear April, I thought I could be the person I was meant to be but life is so hard. And it so cruel. I do not know what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering. Every day when I wake up, I have to drag my self out of bed because I'd rather sleep forever. And I tried hiding the pain by looking good outside but these days it's hard to even pretend. I did all I could to be normal. To live a life that is worth living. I set goals, dressed to kill and I mastered all my skills. I also followed all my dreams. I became the person I wanted to be and yet I failed at everything. But you know everything about my horror and you know that I never gave up even when I said I will. Today my soul is exhausted and I have no strength left in me. Love couldn't safe me instead it broke my mind with confusion. Love is unkind and selfish. I can't pretend no more. I can't feel no more. And I am always scared not only of the unknown but scared of myself. I feel trapped and all that surrounds me is pain. My body and my spirit aches every night and day. And no pill or drug or human can ease it. So all I do is wake up on a couch the whole day, eating and sleeping waiting for my death.
Hard work is not an answer, for no matter how passionate or driven you are, when you not meant to be happy failure will always strike you hard.
But don't worry April, I found peace and I am letting go of everything. And I am letting go of me too. There is nothing I can do, time couldn't avenge me.
Like a memory my heart became It was never the same Born with so much scars in my faith Tears were all I could share in life Love was always hidden in my view Yet it manage to break me apart I grew stronger in time But in time I become weaker My soul couldn’t bare all the wounds And my sorrow couldn’t carry the baggage Tried so hard to heal this pain But a curse runs in my veins It took away my passion and dreams Left me with no one to run too But a darkness I couldn’t face Yet it surrounds me with fear This life is hard to live My heart hurts, it’s hard to breathe Like fire burning inside Feels like I could rip it apart Who on earth can heal this heart?
I know it hurt right now I know it hurts so much And you wish you could just elope from your own body. I know it’s even hard to smile The mask has gotten really heavy lately But your strong, really strong And I know it’s hard to hear that, When you feel like you're dying inside. Drowning in your own sorrow, Can’t get a crib, just can’t save your self. Life is hard and you don't know why, But it’s okay, just take a breathe Close your eyes and breath really slowly I don't know if everything will be okay But I know that you will be okay We need to let go of all the pain The past, the tears, sadness and traumas Let’s not waste today because of depression When you feel you want to cry, Get up and dance or sing loud Write or watch funny movies And trust me horror movies help too. We can’t fix what’s broken inside But it’s not impossible to deal with it either Love you for your mental health Because for what it’s worth, it made you a better person Very unique and rare, one of a kind beautiful soul.