Best Friend

Like a lightning ray clamming from afar
I wished for a shooting star
A wish that could redeem my heart
A soul that could save my life
An extra breath that could warm my skin
A truest life that consume my loneliness
But like a star it’s out of my reach
A distant faith I longed to have 
But a cursed soul I remain alone
With no smile to share the scars
No laughter to endorse the silence
Enchanted a broken love it is
Tears rejoiced my twisted faith
Walls filled my unspoken words
Pain took over my darkest world
Demons became my remedy
A best friend I longed to have
Is a shadow that left my sight.

©Kitty Minaj

Wrinkle In Time

Trapped by my own mind
When life became unkind
I was broken inside
Nothing in my life was right
My world was falling apart
Humanity continued to rip my heart
I had no where to run
Got to pull a trigger in this gun
For time couldn’t heal my pain
Wounds was all I could gain
Rapped by my own fears
Drowning in my own tears
Scotch by expectations
Wrinkled was the situation
A life in darkness
I remained in my own nest
Being alive felt like a crime
Wrinkle was my time

©Kitty Minaj

Troubles Never End

I took a leap of faith
And dried my tears
I looked beyond the pain
And consoled my sorrows
I forgave my choices
And celebrated my mistakes
I held my self up
And let go of my regrets
I moved on from the past
And planned my future
I learned to love myself
And I found true love
But all of that couldn’t heal my scars
And my wounds got worser
For trouble never ends.

©Kitty Minaj

Lamentation

I am lost
The darkness surrounds me
It’s getting so cold
I’m all alone
With no one to hold
My world is so empty
All what’s left is pain
No sunshine to light up my way
Just never ending rain
I drown in tears
My heart is crying
No one seems to notice
My soul is dying.

I Blamed Me

I blamed me
For ever being born
Without a purpose
And passion weighting on me

I blamed me
For my mother’s tears
And my father’s hatreds
Including my lovers lack of love

I blamed me
For all the nights I cried
For the pain in my heart
Wishing I could die

I blamed me
For being unhappy
For who I was born to be
And the struggles of my life

I blamed me
For all that I am
And what I fail to be
But all that I have became

I blamed me
Because I am me
I refused to be anybody
But broken Lee.

©Kitty Minaj

If The Wind Had A Heart

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to touch
Would it hold me very tight
And dry away my tears

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to see
Would it surround my sorrow
And blew away my broken heart

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to feel
Would it blew apart
As it notice the pain inside

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to care
Would it feel my struggles
And chase away my pain

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to love
Would it always blew around me
And fill me with joy

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to heal
Would it numb my wounds
Or fade away the scars

If the Wind had a heart
And it was allowed to decide
Would it let me live in misery
Or let me rest in peace??

©Kitty Minaj

Death Denied Me Too

When the dark clouds caved in
And darkness was all I could see
I took a sip on a strong drink
Paraffin never tasted better
Paralyzed is what it did to me
Yet I could still breathe with pain.
I cried my eyes out
Till overdosing became my comfort
Pills only made me high
And numb was all I became.
With no tears to cry out
I got on my knees and prayed
Screamed out, ‘Why can’t I just die!’
That’s when I saw a dead rat
Which gave me an idea to consume poison
Yet the outcome was very brutal
And pain in my stomach was all I felt.
So I gave up and cut my wrist
Till I bleed out a lot of blood
Got on concious for 12 hours
I woke up feeling crazy
Didn’t feel like myself.
So tired of life yet can’t get away
With no choice, I tried the rope
The tighter the grip, numb my throat
And made my face purple and swollen
Till I fart and pooped on my pants
Stinking the whole house
Enabling someone to come rescue
Blanked out, I woke up in a hospital
With everyone around me
Curiously asking, ‘Why do you seek death?’
And the doctor telling me I’m selfish
He said, ‘Death don’t even want you.’
I closed my eyes in tears
Feeling the pain in my heart, face, stomach, body
Everything hurts including breathing
Reality never been this cruel.
I needed death more than ever
But just like everything and everyone
Death denied me too.

©Kitty Minaj

The Colors Of Love

The colours of love
Shines deep in your eyes
The diamond in the sky
Flourish through your heart
Red was a promise
But it always made me cry
So you painted the sky blue
For me to let go of my baggage up high.
Green was the colour of your spirit
Filled with the goodness of life
But your pain, you couldn’t hide
Yellow led me through your soul
But it sucks I couldn’t heal your sorrow
Yet you still held me in the dark
Somehow black became the colour of our love
It brought us peace and underatanding
Pink became our commitment,
To each other’s downfall.
Till we danced to the lime rhythm
And white filled our floor
That’s when you said, ‘I owe you forever’
And thats when i said, ‘Forever is colourless’
You said, ‘Forget the colour because love is blurry’
Guess thats why we’re floating on the clouds now
Making vows with our bodies
And peace to our imperfections
Love is indeed color blind
And it is up to up to fill it up with colours
Shade every part with truth of relations
Colourless that’s the colour of love.

©Kitty Minaj

Warmth Of My Demon

I lay dead on the floor
When darkness filled my skies
And pain come like rain
Couldn’t understand the void inside
It trembled in the worst moment
Crushing my vains like a venom
And slowing hurting my soul
Til I felt nothing but cold
I screamed out, LORD
Till my voice dried out
And my strength warn-out
So cold and half dead
I hoped for someone to help
And no one came for days
Yet suddenly I felt warmth
A blanket on top of me
The demons came for me
They heard my cry and pain
And I knew, that we’re never alone.

©Kitty Minaj

How Do I Love Me?

How Do I Love Me?
I asked, looking at the reflation of a broken girl
Her eyes blood red
She doesn’t want to be alive

How do I love me?
When I can’t stop the overflowing tears
That comes like a heavy rain
Even when I am very happy

How do I love me?
With all this pain in my chest
And anxiety choking my neck
While depression destroys my brain

How do I love me?
With all the abuses from my past
And voices telling me I am not enough
I’ll never make it alive

How do I love me?
When everytime I wake up with a smile
They throw stones of hate at me
Complaining that I act better than them

How do I love me?
With all the suicidal attempts
Selfishly praying to die
Trying to escape reality

How do I love me?
When you don’t even love me
Hurting me with your lust
And pushing me away with you lie

How do I love me?
When I feel so alone
With no where to hide nor run
And no one to call or talk too

Truth is I do love me?
As me, broken and bruised
Alone and cold with passion
Unloved but alive yet dead inside.

©Kitty Minaj