First Night WithOut Gucc!

Dear Diary Today,
I Feel like being naughty
And write naughty things.
But truth is, I am so emotional and hurt.
For i have left the only piece that filled my heart
To see mom but I am falling apart
Without him by my side
It hurts more as I am laying in his bed side
Reminiscing while naked and sad
Sniffing in the scent of us making love
This morning on our couch
I swear I don't wanna ever wash my thingi
For the scent of our sex is power
But not powerful enough to bring you close
And that killed me alive,
I miss you and that's a fact
Hit me up, don't let it mute.
As i rub my vagina with my hand
And cover my nose
Then close my eyes and sniffed it all night
And that made you feel close.
Fuck COVID-19!!

Love Kitty Minaj
By kitty Minaj

Incapable Of Healing

Last week I cut my wrist
Trying to escape the bitterness of life
My wound was really deep
For blood was spilling out like water in pipe
But sadly, the knife couldn’t reach my vain
I fall asleep and woke up the next day
Guess the wound wasn’t deep enough
But it did hurt like hell
And with time and with pain pills
The pain vanished like thunder
And blood dried up like rain
Few days passed and the scar healed slowly
That only made me sad…
Sad that some things are able to heal.
Why can’t the wounds of our hearts do the same
why can’t they heal in time
All we get is quotes that claim that things get better with time
But truth is, they don’t.
The pain you feel in your heart is not flexible but stable.
It stays the same.
And no matter how hard you try
It’s hard to get used to it
So do we really heal?
If not… why is the heart incapable of healing.

©Kitty Minaj

Dear Heart, I Am Tired!

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of your doleful moments
Never a flash-back of happiness
Promising me that my life will always be dole

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of you aching every time he leaves
Climbing he’ll never come back
For he never loved me

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the anxiety attacks
Why should I suffer when I breathe
Am I not meant to be alive?

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all my never ending sorrow
The wounds I can’t let go of
Seems to get worse with time

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of wearing this mask
Because it hurt when I smile
For now it seem to be heavier than before

Dear Heart, I’m tired
of life’s cruelty
The endless beating of nature
The infidelity of faith

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all the pain I face
Each day and night it hurts
To be alive and watch you break

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the overflowing tears
The blood red swollen eyes
The draught that won’t seem to dry

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of being tired all the time
Please help and numb the pain
Or just stop beating, so I can rest.

 

Can’t Make You Love Me

Can’t Make You Love Me
Even if I pour my heart out
In public and in the clear
You’ll Still Not See Me

Can’t Make You Love Me
Even if I trade you my pussy
Sex all night, unlimited rounds
You’ll Still not feel me

Can’t make you love me
Even if the earth is at it’s end
And the only way to save it was me
You’ll still not love me

Can’t make you love me
Even if I become your shield
In the mist of death
You’ll still not appreciate me

Can’t make you love me
No matter how much I try
To make you see my love for you
You’ll still not believe me

Can’t make you love me
Even if I force you too
Cause it’s not how you feel inside
But still you’ll only lust me.

Can’t make you love me
Even when I tell you a million times,
How much I Love You
Guess you’ll never love me

April Fool

April, Am I A fool?
For waking up with a smile today
Claiming to be happy and blessed
When it’s just a shitty day
And inside I feel empty and sad

April, Am I A fool?
For puting my faith in March
To help me with my dreams and goals
Did I ask for too much
For now I am shattered and cold

April, Am I A fool?
For believing in my self
Never giving up with so much passion
Now I feel stupid and small like an elf
For I will never succeed in this dimension

April, Am I A fool?
For believing that he loves me
Because he beings me joy and happiness
Where else he just lust me
For he makes me feel sad and worthless

April, Am I A fool?
For thinking I could be loved
Because I am pretty and kind
But everybody wants to leave me caved
And treat me like I am hard to find

April, Am I A fool?
For trusting that I belong here
Utilizing my freedom and skills
But it’s hard to survive when no one’s there
To help the pain that lurks and kills

April, Am I A fool?
For being depressed
Leting anxiety take my breath
Got to let go of the hurt that I expressed
As I write to inspire the one who will read.

-♡KittyMinaj♡

The Silence Of A Dying Love

What is Love??
Is it the shade of red in a heart
The blood flow in my vains
The unstoppable beat of my heart
The nervous flow when we touch
Or is it the the way you look at me?
Irristible feeling of your lust
Is it the darkness of a broken heart
The grumbling tears of the falling sky
A peace of a sobing rose
The grave of what could’ve been
Or the memories of what we had,
Reminding us of a spark of true love
For i am for you
And you are for her
The instability of a relation
Cause the most undeniable storms
The silence of a dying love

Dark Shade Of Love

Black roses on the floor
With a scent of confusion
And your blood leading me to you
Assuring me of safety
Reminding me of infatuation
For i fail to let go
Of your dark shaded love
And your irresistible desire
That fills me with so much devotion
And undeniable endearment
Your lust i can not bear
But you touch fill me whole
And i know i am blessed
To have you by my side
And grateful eve
For This dark shade Of Love

Pain Of Honesty

When the morning blossom with a scar
Of broken bottles that we shared
On the night we thought we cared
Of each other before the sheets
Fell out of the bed with our naked bodies
Lies were our romance
And lust was our connections
Though love was never in our minds
And care never reached your heart
Cause using me was your intention
And I pleased you to be loved
Therefore pain came when you left
Even thought you were honest,
About your feelings and what this is about
My heart still got wounded
For truth hurts more than lies.

©Kitty Minaj

An Instant With You

When the wind was cold
Full of broken sorrows
I woke up happy in the mist of your love
The sky was clear
And the birds were singing
To the rhythm of my heart
I found happiness in your smile
Even if it’s just for a day
Each hour feels like thousands years
Of greatness and joy
In a world where pain don’t exist
But lurking through the window
Where love is all we share
A day with you, i could never forgot
Though i woke up to a lonely morning
For you were not there.

Letting You Go

For years i couldn’t understand
When they say love is blind
Til i woke up in a blood red river
With so much wounds in my heart
Looking at you holding a knife with my blood
I patch my heart up to hide the bruise
Cause when you touch me,
My heart beats like it’s not broken
Couldn’t let go, had to hold on
Though the touch of your skin hurt me
The gaze of your eyes made me feel worthless
For i saw your love for another
And the instability of your lies
Bought nothing but shame in my life
My strength was gone from loving you
And still i kept holding on
Till i woke up in so much pain
Seeing you stabbing the dagger in my heart
Like i was just a toy or a numb being
You ripped off my soul
And took my innocence
Left me naked in the cold
Had to pick my self up
Numb the pain and face reality
They say you never know until you let it go
Now i know, that holding on hurts more
So I let you
Setting you free
Forgiving your spirit
Now i am Free.