I woke up with a smile Even though I couldn’t breath I managed to get up When my chest was weighing on me The bath tub filled up with tears Because I couldn’t hold back the pain The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul When the mask trembled down I couldn’t share a smile For what lurks deep inside Is breaking me apart And knowing that I can’t fix it Makes my whole life a misery So I went back to sleep And watch my days turned into nights With no one asking if I am alright Had to tell myself that it’s okay Alone and depress I’ll always be This is a life I was meant to live But I can’t help falling apart
On this day, I want to make a change. A change that can help me ease the pain. On this day I wanna forgive…well, I wanted to forgive my self but I have been doing that the whole year and it hasn’t work at all. I tried to accept who I am and my pain but I am more confused than I should and maybe it’s because I don’t know who I am anymore. I tried to love me the way I need to be loved but how can I love me when no body loves me, I mean what is it about me that pull them away and how do I over come that. I tried to be bold yet being different is hard and I’ve been mistreated for not being like everybody else, where do I fit in? I tried success, but I am cursed so never mind…rejection is all I get. I tried everything I could just so I could have a better year. I knew on the 31st December 2019 that 2020 was going to be hell and trust it was more than hell. Even the devil himself wouldn’t handle half of my pain. Therefore on the last day of this year, I am not going to make it special. Because for me it’s just a day. And tomorrow is another day not a new year, because there won’t be anything new about it. Just another day of more misery and pain for me. When everyone smiles, I’ll be crying. Just like how I predicted this year, I am also positive that 2021 wont be any different. And I promise not to force things, I won’t try to have a better life, I am giving up.