To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

My Parents

My mom, gave birth to me
Held me when I was helpless
Nurture me with no expectations
Loved me with no questions

My dad, supported me
Right from birth, he was there
Tought me how to walk
And loved me even in my worst days

My mom, raised me with care
Did my hair and clean me up
Got me the best clothes
An angel my mom made me

My dad, provided for me
Made sure I had the best education
And limitless opportunities
Wise and independent, dad made me

My parents, years later, still my parents
They still provide for me
Make sure I am happy and fed
And they still support me

My parents, pick me up when I’m down
They are the only people I can run too
Only love that keep me sane
And only true love that’s unconditional

My parents, I took them for granted
Because I thought they just parents
Never thought they understood
Until life knocked me down and they picked me up

My parents, I will forever be indebted
For they know me, the real me
And they respect my soul
They’ll never give up on me

My parents, I love them
For they are a blessing
And they are my strength
They love me just me.

©Kitty Minaj

Fix Me, February!

My soul has had enough
In this world I do not belong
Yet I can not seem to escape
Have mercy on me, February
I can’t bare anymore pain
How many times do my heart have to break
In order to gain my freedom of life
Or do I not deserve to live in joy
Do I not deserve to live with love
Fix me, February, my heart aches
Numb my wound and hide the scars
Please restore my sorrow
Fix me, February, it hurts
Trying to breath in darkness
And to smile with so much trauma
Oh please fix me, dear February
Teach me how to forgive
My self for all this pain
And life for being so cruel
Teach me how to love
The smallest things life has to offer
And myself when love’s being distant.

©Kitty Minaj

If The Walls Had A Heart

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my innocence
When I grew to be hated
Confused and asking why to the room

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my anger
Of redemption that I never got
From the God I prayed for help

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my pain
Of all that I been through
Failing to heal the wounds

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my need
To escape this cruel world
One suicide attempt after another

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my resentment
Trying to learn how to forgive
By blaming my self for everything

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel the hurt
That love filled me with
While hitting me to the walls

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my soul
How truly broken I am
But always faking my strength

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my heart break apart
As the world curse me with mental illness
And unloved I felt with so many questions

©Kitty Minaj

Darkness Of The Crystal

Crystal darken my vein
Blooded became my eyes
Dried was the cry of tears
That lurks deep in my soul
Consuming the passion of my pain
Deep within a wounded heart
Lies a crystal of the world
Yet heaven stolen the peace
Of a hell reflected in my mirror
Frozen was the flash of warmth
Filled with pure hate
That protects a wondering life
Devowed by a dark crystal.

©Kitty Minaj

Wrinkle In Time

Trapped by my own mind
When life became unkind
I was broken inside
Nothing in my life was right
My world was falling apart
Humanity continued to rip my heart
I had no where to run
Got to pull a trigger in this gun
For time couldn’t heal my pain
Wounds was all I could gain
Rapped by my own fears
Drowning in my own tears
Scotch by expectations
Wrinkled was the situation
A life in darkness
I remained in my own nest
Being alive felt like a crime
Wrinkle was my time

©Kitty Minaj

Jan I’m Worried

I am glad to see you, January. You’ve always been the better month of them all and I am delighted that you’re here. It’s a new year and I am so pleased to have been granted a chance to be here. To make new choices and discover more about myself and who I am meant to be. But I am so worried about the next chapter…
I never thought that I would write the same things I wrote in the past year but I am worried. This should be a writing about the excitement of the new year but instead I am writing about what’s depressing me lately. Change is always been challenging. It’s just hard. I am scared of it. I don’t want to change but I have to.
Everything around me is changing, the beauty of the flower I used to love, the youth of my own parents, the eyes of my own reflections, the heart of my lover and the actions of all the people I used to know. The most terrifying change of all is the growth of my age.
I love who I was before and I still do but does independence comes with a notebook or request because somehow I feel like I need to change who I am just so I can fit in into the dynamite? What is change exactly, is it the format of changing who you are for a better new you or is it the format of changing what’s around you to accommodate your own desires?
I am worried to take the next step in life because I don’t want to be hurt no more. And I’m worried that also me being worried could result in me hurting my faith and self even more. Therefore what do I do when the cruelty of not knowing troubles my soul.
January, I pled to you to help me figure out the way forward. I need to move on in this musty road I face. I hope you’ll be there to guard me and help me through.
And please help everyone make better choice for this new year. Let everyone enjoy with love and success. And please, January, deal with covid-19, his trying to possess our lives, make a plan to stop his evil plans.

To change
Love new year.
©Kitty Minaj

Happy New Year

Happy New Year
Love Called at 23:59
But anger pushed it away
At 00:00 love come with a huge smile
I didnt know why a new year was happy
Until love held my hand
It gave me hope
And it told me, this is a new start
You’re free, to change for us
To forgive for love
To accept the doings of nature
Love then squeeze me so tight
In the arms of love I felt pain
Then love said, it’s going to be okay
I am not going anywhere
I’ll be here when you need me
Love then kissed my forehead
And said, happy new year, mental patient
I giggled, and couldn’t stop smiling
It was a happy NEW YEAR INDEED.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

©Kitty Minaj