Last week I cut my wrist Trying to escape the bitterness of life My wound was really deep For blood was spilling out like water in pipe But sadly, the knife couldn’t reach my vain I fall asleep and woke up the next day Guess the wound wasn’t deep enough But it did hurt like hell And with time and with pain pills The pain vanished like thunder And blood dried up like rain Few days passed and the scar healed slowly That only made me sad… Sad that some things are able to heal. Why can’t the wounds of our hearts do the same why can’t they heal in time All we get is quotes that claim that things get better with time But truth is, they don’t. The pain you feel in your heart is not flexible but stable. It stays the same. And no matter how hard you try It’s hard to get used to it So do we really heal? If not… why is the heart incapable of healing.
I know sometimes when you look in the mirror
You don’t like what you see;
The Pain weighing on you,
A broken soul struggling to breath,
And your own flesh dying on you
Because I know sometimes
The world can seem so blurry
And the struggles won’t seem to end
And all you can do is break down and scream your lungs out while asking why.
Why is the silence so loud?
Why is the room so empty?
Why is my faith so distant?
Trust me…it’s okay
And I know that it doesn’t feel okay
In fact it feels like it’ll never be okay
But if you let your self cry
Drain everything away
So you can finally see clear
That love is all you need
Therefore you’ll learn to look at the mirror with love
No matter how hard life gets
Or how broken the mirror is
Believe me, a smile will always reflect on you
And life will be worth living
For you’ll learn to honor your pain
And that it’s part of growth
And accept your flaws
While allowing imperfection to take it’s course
And finally find the purpose to love yourself.
I went to bed in misery and depression hurting my mind. I woke up in so much pain with anxiety drowning my soul. Usually I am terrified of physical pain but today I had to tie the rope. But as I was at the edge of kicking the chair, I got a call from mom. She kept calling till I got irritated and answer the call. In my surprise, she started talking about how grateful she is to have me as her daughter, and that I am the only person she depends on. With me around she believes that the future could be brighter than ever. I took a gasp in confusion of why is she telling me this, out of the blue. And with that she then added the most powerful words, ‘YOU’RE STRONG!’ She said, ‘I have seen broken people and none of them were able to handle pain like you, I have been hurt and I am depending on pills to help me out but you are so strong without them. You are able to control your anxiety while dealing with depression. You go to hospital and back and smile like nothings wrong. You walk in a room and light it up like you have everything figured out when you don’t. I know nothing in your life is going your way and it hurts me so much to see you work hard to no success every time but trust me I know you will win eventually. You’re smart and really determined, you inspire everyone around and those who follow you. You’re the strongest person I know and I am so proud to even call you my daughter.’ I hanged up the phone because I couldn’t hold back my gasp, I cried out so loudly. I felt all the bandage in my chest to the point that I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I got on my knees and shout out ‘WHY’ It hurts to be live and it hurts to pretend that I am strong but now I don’t have a choice but to keep being strong for my mom. She is happy when I am strong. When she doesn’t she see me break down and cry my eyes out at night. So If being strong for mom means staying alive, I don’t mine being her strength and giving her hope. Beside everybody has something that keeps them alive and now I also found my reason for living.
When the moon hits the sky And the night brought out the stars With fear, I couldn’t wish My heart has given up On life and what it’s about For tomorrow didn’t seem that far And fear wet out my face A fear of just not tomorrow But of another failure it’ll bring Another pain, I can not numb Suicide thought, I can’t rid of Another wish for another better tomorrow.
Abandon in time Trapped in my own thoughts Choked by my own breathe No pill can numb what i feel inside And no human can wipe these overflowing tears For love cuts deeper than a sword When pain seems to never end Death always become a friend.
For so many years I closed my eyes and cried For i felt alone in the mist of a crowd But today my tears have dried Though i couldn’t bare the pain in my heart So i decided to check the wound But when my eyes opened I couldn’t see a scar I saw that there was no one by my side I was truly honestly alone.
00:00 striked like thunder When the calander changed like magic Hearing all the excitement All the fireworkes and joy Brought nothing but tears to me My heart was aching For i was still alive in 2020 When all i wanted was to die Didn’t want to see this day For 2019 brought nothing but pain So much pain and misery So i lay in bed and cried So hard that my eyes become swollen Then i said to myself, ‘ It’s too late to die’ I took a deep breath And put my resentment aside I am ready to live in 2020