Hush Broken, Baby

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Go to bed and close your eyes
I know it’s hard but please just try
Say something postive even if it’s lies

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You’re feeling outta place and outta mind
Sadly, it won’t get better that’s no lie
But you got to keep going and be kind

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Got to be strong in this cruel world
Even when the robe needs to be tied
Seems like the only way to reach the Lord

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You can overdose and numb the pain
You’ll just fall alseep but won’t die
Satisfying your suicide thoughts is no gain

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Depression is a phrase and it sucks
Just retreat to your room and outcry
For anxiety is hell but it can bring lucks

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Let your hope fly just like a dove
There’s always someone who’s willing to try
To hold you tight and show you love.

©Kitty Minaj

Incapable Of Healing

Last week I cut my wrist
Trying to escape the bitterness of life
My wound was really deep
For blood was spilling out like water in pipe
But sadly, the knife couldn’t reach my vain
I fall asleep and woke up the next day
Guess the wound wasn’t deep enough
But it did hurt like hell
And with time and with pain pills
The pain vanished like thunder
And blood dried up like rain
Few days passed and the scar healed slowly
That only made me sad…
Sad that some things are able to heal.
Why can’t the wounds of our hearts do the same
why can’t they heal in time
All we get is quotes that claim that things get better with time
But truth is, they don’t.
The pain you feel in your heart is not flexible but stable.
It stays the same.
And no matter how hard you try
It’s hard to get used to it
So do we really heal?
If not… why is the heart incapable of healing.

©Kitty Minaj

Dear Heart, I Am Tired!

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of your doleful moments
Never a flash-back of happiness
Promising me that my life will always be dole

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of you aching every time he leaves
Climbing he’ll never come back
For he never loved me

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the anxiety attacks
Why should I suffer when I breathe
Am I not meant to be alive?

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all my never ending sorrow
The wounds I can’t let go of
Seems to get worse with time

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of wearing this mask
Because it hurt when I smile
For now it seem to be heavier than before

Dear Heart, I’m tired
of life’s cruelty
The endless beating of nature
The infidelity of faith

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of all the pain I face
Each day and night it hurts
To be alive and watch you break

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of the overflowing tears
The blood red swollen eyes
The draught that won’t seem to dry

Dear Heart, I’m tired
Of being tired all the time
Please help and numb the pain
Or just stop beating, so I can rest.

 

Reflective Consciousness

I know sometimes when you look in the mirror
You don’t like what you see;
The Pain weighing on you,
A broken soul struggling to breath,
And your own flesh dying on you
Because I know sometimes
The world can seem so blurry
And the struggles won’t seem to end
And all you can do is break down and scream your lungs out while asking why.
Why is the silence so loud?
Why is the room so empty?
Why is my faith so distant?
Trust me…it’s okay
And I know that it doesn’t feel okay
In fact it feels like it’ll never be okay
But if you let your self cry
Drain everything away
So you can finally see clear
That love is all you need
Therefore you’ll learn to look at the mirror with love
No matter how hard life gets
Or how broken the mirror is
Believe me, a smile will always reflect on you
And life will be worth living
For you’ll learn to honor your pain
And that it’s part of growth
And accept your flaws
While allowing imperfection to take it’s course
And finally find the purpose to love yourself.

‘You Are Strong’

I went to bed in misery and depression hurting my mind.
I woke up in so much pain with anxiety drowning my soul.
Usually I am terrified of physical pain but today I had to tie the rope.
But as I was at the edge of kicking the chair, I got a call from mom. She kept calling till I got irritated and answer the call.
In my surprise, she started talking about how grateful she is to have me as her daughter, and that I am the only person she depends on. With me around she believes that the future could be brighter than ever.
I took a gasp in confusion of why is she telling me this, out of the blue. And with that she then added the most powerful words, ‘YOU’RE STRONG!’
She said, ‘I have seen broken people and none of them were able to handle pain like you, I have been hurt and I am depending on pills to help me out but you are so strong without them. You are able to control your anxiety while dealing with depression. You go to hospital and back and smile like nothings wrong. You walk in a room and light it up like you have everything figured out when you don’t. I know nothing in your life is going your way and it hurts me so much to see you work hard to no success every time but trust me I know you will win eventually. You’re smart and really determined, you inspire everyone around and those who follow you. You’re the strongest person I know and I am so proud to even call you my daughter.’
I hanged up the phone because I couldn’t hold back my gasp, I cried out so loudly. I felt all the bandage in my chest to the point that I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I got on my knees and shout out ‘WHY’
It hurts to be live and it hurts to pretend that I am strong but now I don’t have a choice but to keep being strong for my mom. She is happy when I am strong. When she doesn’t she see me break down and cry my eyes out at night.
So If being strong for mom means staying alive, I don’t mine being her strength and giving her hope.
Beside everybody has something that keeps them alive and now I also found my reason for living.

Fear Of Tomorrow

When the moon hits the sky
And the night brought out the stars
With fear, I couldn’t wish
My heart has given up
On life and what it’s about
For tomorrow didn’t seem that far
And fear wet out my face
A fear of just not tomorrow
But of another failure it’ll bring
Another pain, I can not numb
Suicide thought, I can’t rid of
Another wish for another better tomorrow.

Abandon In Time

Abandon in time
Trapped in my own thoughts
Choked by my own breathe
No pill can numb what i feel inside
And no human can wipe these overflowing tears
For love cuts deeper than a sword
When pain seems to never end
Death always become a friend.

Truly Alone

For so many years
I closed my eyes and cried
For i felt alone in the mist of a crowd
But today my tears have dried
Though i couldn’t bare the pain in my heart
So i decided to check the wound
But when my eyes opened I couldn’t see a scar
I saw that there was no one by my side
I was truly honestly alone.

Snivel For Death

Death help me out
I feel like ripping off my skin
And exposing my lungs
Because i can barely breathe
I wish i could stop my heart,
From breaking all the time
Oh please, Let me die…

New Year Resentment

00:00 striked like thunder
When the calander changed like magic
Hearing all the excitement
All the fireworkes and joy
Brought nothing but tears to me
My heart was aching
For i was still alive in 2020
When all i wanted was to die
Didn’t want to see this day
For 2019 brought nothing but pain
So much pain and misery
So i lay in bed and cried
So hard that my eyes become swollen
Then i said to myself,
‘ It’s too late to die’
I took a deep breath
And put my resentment aside
I am ready to live in 2020