I walk around with a wounded mind Over-analyzing the smallest task And sacrificing my purest heart To a world of cruelest doom Misunderstood by my own people Broken by the one I love most And hurt by life itself Abandon by my greatest demons Left alone with just pain and scars The devil is no where to be found When darkness filled my soul Who can I be when I’m broken? Where can I run when I’m alone? How do I breath in the dark? What happened to love being a savor? Is love a lie? Where hope is all lost And no direction to move forward Knowing I’ll never be okay Do I accepting my faith Or keep hurting?
I am falling apart With these scars in my heart And my knees on the ground My head smashed on the floor Trying to understand my flaws Yet struggling to subtain my breath Was I really meant to be alive? When death mock me and life hurt me How do I really numb the pain? Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds And tomorrow that is taken by fear In this soul I can not run For there is no soul that could save me Therefore my sorrow weights on me Nothing I could do for tears burns me up So I seek for you, May To merge and restore what’s broken inside And give me a purpose to get off the couch And smile for the sun that shines even in winter For no matter how dead I feel inside
Dear April, I thought I could be the person I was meant to be but life is so hard. And it so cruel. I do not know what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering. Every day when I wake up, I have to drag my self out of bed because I'd rather sleep forever. And I tried hiding the pain by looking good outside but these days it's hard to even pretend. I did all I could to be normal. To live a life that is worth living. I set goals, dressed to kill and I mastered all my skills. I also followed all my dreams. I became the person I wanted to be and yet I failed at everything. But you know everything about my horror and you know that I never gave up even when I said I will. Today my soul is exhausted and I have no strength left in me. Love couldn't safe me instead it broke my mind with confusion. Love is unkind and selfish. I can't pretend no more. I can't feel no more. And I am always scared not only of the unknown but scared of myself. I feel trapped and all that surrounds me is pain. My body and my spirit aches every night and day. And no pill or drug or human can ease it. So all I do is wake up on a couch the whole day, eating and sleeping waiting for my death.
Hard work is not an answer, for no matter how passionate or driven you are, when you not meant to be happy failure will always strike you hard.
But don't worry April, I found peace and I am letting go of everything. And I am letting go of me too. There is nothing I can do, time couldn't avenge me.
I wanted to write my heart out But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self. All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor Feeling the aching twitch of my veins And the trembling pain of my body As I try to acknowledge my broken soul
I wish I could die Close my eyes And lose my breathe. I just want to die Fall asleep, And never wake up. Drift away permanently Fall in and not fall apart I need to die For life broke me apart And you showed no love Family hates me so much Friends misunderstand me Pills consumed my life I feel so alone and lost I am losing my sense and mind For God has abandon me, When I asked him, 'why!' So I prayed to the demons 'Please let me, die!'
I lay awoke to the white morning With tears flowing like cloudy sky Heart breaking so loud like thunder I felt my body melting away And my soul turning into ashes My spirit dematerialize My memory turned into pain And you faded away like magic The morning sun ray stole your smile The ray light encouraged my depression And it reminded me that pain is real Even when love is there to take care It cannot heal the wounds deep inside So I held my breathe till forever To die instantly on the white morning.