Widows vibrated to the cold breeze Freezing the walls till they sweat I felt my heart on my chest As I held you near with passion Sensed a smell so different all of a sudden A scent I can’t recognize yet familiar So I asked innocently for conformation Thats When you turned your back on me with anger But the scent of the girl brought fear Of lose and betrayal Till I ran back to the past for comfort His words brought me joy and security A long lost spark that I fail to resist But his voice I recognized as pain Now I’m back to square one A place I never wanted to be Yet I seem to always be Guess this is where I belong Back to the past.
I know sometimes when you look in the mirror
You don’t like what you see;
The Pain weighing on you,
A broken soul struggling to breath,
And your own flesh dying on you
Because I know sometimes
The world can seem so blurry
And the struggles won’t seem to end
And all you can do is break down and scream your lungs out while asking why.
Why is the silence so loud?
Why is the room so empty?
Why is my faith so distant?
Trust me…it’s okay
And I know that it doesn’t feel okay
In fact it feels like it’ll never be okay
But if you let your self cry
Drain everything away
So you can finally see clear
That love is all you need
Therefore you’ll learn to look at the mirror with love
No matter how hard life gets
Or how broken the mirror is
Believe me, a smile will always reflect on you
And life will be worth living
For you’ll learn to honor your pain
And that it’s part of growth
And accept your flaws
While allowing imperfection to take it’s course
And finally find the purpose to love yourself.
Ready for my fresh start But just like art, I need to follow my heart And take it step by step at a time I need to make decisions that a smart Be able to set my goals apart Because in life it’s okay to restart To take your time and make things right And let go of all your baggage, sweetheart You always have a chance for a new start A fresh start
As I am writing this latter, I am deep in tears but don’t worry I am about to wipe them away. See, life hasn’t been easy for me at all. For about 12 years now; I’ve been through hell and back, kissed the demons and dated the devil, my soul lived in fire and my heart was drowning in lava, and for long time I longed for rain but only thunder came like rainbow. Depression became my worst enemy. But he taught me to be kind and be a better person, he gave me so much strength and power letting me know I can do anything I set my mind into but he also reminded me that life is controlled by nature and every decisions we make have to be approved by nature, and I realize that nature is not by my self, it doesn’t favor me any how. It took me a long time to accept the girl looking back at me in the mirror but with anxiety, you learn to accept your flaws because when anxiety strikes, you feel your whole life caving in on you and the more you try to break out it’s the more it close in on you to the point that you can barely breathe. Then for a while you learn to relax and that’s when you’re able to breath again. Its not fun to take mental pills, it hurts when you have to depend on the mood pill to keep your moods in-check and to depend on the sleeping pills to keep you from restless nights. But life is a journey, March, and I am learning everyday because looking back its been a long roller coaster and a never ending one. Yesterday I went to bed, with a mind set on giving up on life because I couldn’t bare the pain anymore. It hurts to be alive and that’s a fact. And more painful to breath with mental illness but death isn’t an opinion. I don’t know why I am alive but I am willing to explore my purpose again. Today I woke up really sad but that motivated me to work on myself. I don’t like this feeling at all. I am going to keep working as hard as I used to because giving up is now who I am. I love to write, March, and that’s what makes me feel alive and loved, I will live to write and express my feelings to the world while helping others whom are going through what I am going through, I want to let them know that they are not alone even though they feel alone. I don’t have a friend or anybody to talk too but my blog. Therefore today I am choosing to succeed in my failures. I am choosing to work hard and keep my dreams alive. I wont try anything else that’s going to break my heart. I wont try to make money at all. I will keep writing with no financial benefit because writing makes me happy. I am going to let my fashion control my moods. Style makes me feel loved and normal in a unique way. I will exercise everyday to gain my self-esteem and read everyday to keep my mind healthy. I will eat as much as I can to keep my life in balance. And I need your help March, to make all these goals come true. I ask for you to be kind on me. You’re support will be much appreciated. MARCH.
What is Love?? Is it the shade of red in a heart The blood flow in my vains The unstoppable beat of my heart The nervous flow when we touch Or is it the the way you look at me? Irristible feeling of your lust Is it the darkness of a broken heart The grumbling tears of the falling sky A peace of a sobing rose The grave of what could’ve been Or the memories of what we had, Reminding us of a spark of true love For i am for you And you are for her The instability of a relation Cause the most undeniable storms The silence of a dying love
When the morning blossom with a scar Of broken bottles that we shared On the night we thought we cared Of each other before the sheets Fell out of the bed with our naked bodies Lies were our romance And lust was our connections Though love was never in our minds And care never reached your heart Cause using me was your intention And I pleased you to be loved Therefore pain came when you left Even thought you were honest, About your feelings and what this is about My heart still got wounded For truth hurts more than lies.
When the wind was cold Full of broken sorrows I woke up happy in the mist of your love The sky was clear And the birds were singing To the rhythm of my heart I found happiness in your smile Even if it’s just for a day Each hour feels like thousands years Of greatness and joy In a world where pain don’t exist But lurking through the window Where love is all we share A day with you, i could never forgot Though i woke up to a lonely morning For you were not there.
With all the bad deeds thats happening in my life And with depression trying to break me apart Struggling to breath with these Anxiety attacks Facing the walls of failure that i can’t break Today i took time to let go of this pain The baggage is heavy Yet peace is free So i took a breath And let tranquil fill my life
For so many years I closed my eyes and cried For i felt alone in the mist of a crowd But today my tears have dried Though i couldn’t bare the pain in my heart So i decided to check the wound But when my eyes opened I couldn’t see a scar I saw that there was no one by my side I was truly honestly alone.
Today i couldn’t hold back the tears The pain was too much to bare When mom held me and said, ‘What’s bothering you’ All i could do was cry She said,’Pain will always be there. Blessed or cursed. But we only make it worse when we keep it inside You can attend all the hospitals And take all the depression pills But at the end of the day, no pill can heal the pain inside. Though talking about it can help And mothers are always there to listen while wiping your tears.