Mental Health · Writing

Manic

Like little creatures crawling inside you
Causing discomfort and endless episodes
You want to sit down but you want to get up
Makes you feel like you're losing your mind
Why can't you make up your mind?
With every thought comes with the pain
With the pain, comes all the trauma
And suddenly,you slowing lose your breathe
Like needles been stuck to your nose,
As the tears burn your face
Feeling like your soul is been ripped out of you
You try to scream but no voice can come out
Helpless and hopeless you wait till it ends
You wait...
In pain,you wait...
Wishing you could die, you wait...
You wait...
You can't fight the darkness in you
So you wait...
...

Like a hot ball been shaved in your chest
You suddenly catch a breathe
Even thought the oxygen hurts, you let it in
Until, numb is all you can feel,
For you are broken
Manic


©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Poetry

Ice Scream Pain Scream

Ice Scream Pain Scream
My soul cried for ice cream
When pain filled my chest
Seems like I can’t get a rest

Ice scream Pain scream
My heart bleed for ice cream
Where do I go when I’m broken
All that is left is words that are unspoken

Ice scream Pain scream
My life pled for ice cream
For in these chains I can’t be free
Why can’t struggles let me be

Ice scream Pain Scream
My love broke for ice cream
When I finally decide to let go
Of all the traumas that hurt me so

Ice scream Pain scream
My scream bust for ice scream
Oh, help me I’m hopeless please
Ice cream heal my mental disease

©Kitty Minaj

Mental Health · Poetry

Insidious

Insidious I must be serious
For why dead never come, I am curious
Now attempting suicide is ridiculous
For life for me is hideous
It is full of pain not mysterious
When will I be free, I am furious
They tell me to be more religious
Being hurting for so long,God you not there it’s obvious
The feeling of loneliness is enormous
As I accept my faith like it’s delicious
Looking at everyone and feeling jealous
As they living their life that is precious
While I am depressed and anxious
Feeling dead but conscious
And the thought of tomorrow makes me nervous
So I lay awake and be Insidious

©Kitty Minaj

Mental Health · Motivation

Holding On

It’s like I was born with a broken heart.
Everything I touch shatters into pieces,
With every breath I take, I come apart,
Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life,
Like I am trapped in the worst matrix,
Even hell could be better than this,
For the walls keep caving in on me
And the cold keeps surrounding me.
A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life
A package of unknown sicknesses
And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis.
I can’t handle the pain of my tears,
Yet I still battle to understand my purpose,
Even when I am stranded alone in the dark
For hope is like love, not easy to let go
Therefore when my days gets darker
I keep holding on
For I know the moon lights the night for a reason
And someday I might find my moon
Or not…
But I’ll keep holding on.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Mental Health

Birthday Dilemma

Dear Birthday 
I can see the candles
But I am not ready to age
My life's been out of touch
A series of disappointments and pain
A movie of mental health struggles
A battle to live vs to die
A jungle of endless sorrows,
A birthday is a day for happiness
How can I be happy when my world's on fire
How do I pretend when trauma hurts,
And all my dreams haunts my reality
Who am I to be free
And who am I to be celebrated
I just don't want to see tomorrow
I am sorry Birthday
I am not ready to face another year of misery.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

Alone In July

Alone in July
Oh,how I wish I could die
Wrapped my self in these blanket
For the cold of loneliness has occupied my space
It froze my bleeding heart
Causing it to hurt my chest,
Numb my body became
Yet my inside felt so much pain
Like a million needles inside,
Oh, how I wish I could scream
But what's the point when no one can hear?
For even the the demons are no where
My soul is not just broken but demolished
With no one to love, no one to care
Alone with this pain and wounds that won't heal
Surrounded by depression, trauma filled my aching head
Abandon by anxiety to migraine hell
A place of sickness and torture
Helpless as I realize I am truly alone
Dead I feel yet I am still breathing,
Alone in July

©Kitty Minaj


Depression · Mental Health

Migraine

Like a devil torturing my skull
With a hammer banging my left side
Feeling every pain run through my head
Causing the blurriness of my eyes
And the tasteless of my tongue
Enabled the feeling of vomiting
My face felt so numb
Yet the discomfort of my tears couldn’t be ignored
When my heart broke apart
Because of the sickness that’s always around
For a moment anxiety refused to let me be
And life’s unfairness put me to stress
And today I woke up with migraine
The most painful feeling of them all
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
For in that moment death is all you think of

©Kitty Minaj

Mental Health

Emptiness Warm My Heart

Emptiness warm my heart
Fill my soul with self-love
And a free-spirited vibe
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have been ripped apart
Tortured and abused by life
That’s why I am broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
Steal away the trauma in my brain
That enabled the smile to fade away
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
From the coldness of my mental illness
And the bitterness of hurtful pills
Refusing to restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
When I am filling the sea with tears
And screaming for help in the dark
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have suffered, it’s enough!
Plead me to freedom, I beg
To restore what’s broken inside

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Mental Health

Falling Apart

I woke up with a smile
Even though I couldn’t breath
I managed to get up
When my chest was weighing on me
The bath tub filled up with tears
Because I couldn’t hold back the pain
The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me
Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul
When the mask trembled down
I couldn’t share a smile
For what lurks deep inside
Is breaking me apart
And knowing that I can’t fix it
Makes my whole life a misery
So I went back to sleep
And watch my days turned into nights
With no one asking if I am alright
Had to tell myself that it’s okay
Alone and depress I’ll always be
This is a life I was meant to live
But I can’t help falling apart

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Mental Health

June Stress

Dear June,
I woke up with my head blocked out
And my eyes swollen from tears
My heart worn out from all the pain
Blood boiling cold numbing my skin
Enabling all the emotions back
The questions of 'what if?' But mostly 'why?'
Crumble deep inside my bones
With the fear of the future
Lurking in the depth of my spine
The pain of tomorrow being worse than today
Seemed to be the stress I always face,
But cannot seem to disappear in my vains
For time makes every situation complicated
And stress seem to only be multiple
As I begged for freedom
From thinking of all my pain
And June stress to just go away.

Stressed out
Lee

©Kitty Minaj