Migraine

Like a devil torturing my skull
With a hammer banging my left side
Feeling every pain run through my head
Causing the blurriness of my eyes
And the tasteless of my tongue
Enabled the feeling of vomiting
My face felt so numb
Yet the discomfort of my tears couldn’t be ignored
When my heart broke apart
Because of the sickness that’s always around
For a moment anxiety refused to let me be
And life’s unfairness put me to stress
And today I woke up with migraine
The most painful feeling of them all
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
For in that moment death is all you think of

©Kitty Minaj

Falling Apart

I woke up with a smile
Even though I couldn’t breath
I managed to get up
When my chest was weighing on me
The bath tub filled up with tears
Because I couldn’t hold back the pain
The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me
Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul
When the mask trembled down
I couldn’t share a smile
For what lurks deep inside
Is breaking me apart
And knowing that I can’t fix it
Makes my whole life a misery
So I went back to sleep
And watch my days turned into nights
With no one asking if I am alright
Had to tell myself that it’s okay
Alone and depress I’ll always be
This is a life I was meant to live
But I can’t help falling apart

©Kitty Minaj

June Stress

Dear June,
I woke up with my head blocked out
And my eyes swollen from tears
My heart worn out from all the pain
Blood boiling cold numbing my skin
Enabling all the emotions back
The questions of 'what if?' But mostly 'why?'
Crumble deep inside my bones
With the fear of the future
Lurking in the depth of my spine
The pain of tomorrow being worse than today
Seemed to be the stress I always face,
But cannot seem to disappear in my vains
For time makes every situation complicated
And stress seem to only be multiple
As I begged for freedom
From thinking of all my pain
And June stress to just go away.

Stressed out
Lee

©Kitty Minaj

Merge Me, May

I am falling apart
With these scars in my heart
And my knees on the ground
My head smashed on the floor
Trying to understand my flaws
Yet struggling to subtain my breath
Was I really meant to be alive?
When death mock me and life hurt me
How do I really numb the pain?
Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds
And tomorrow that is taken by fear
In this soul I can not run
For there is no soul that could save me
Therefore my sorrow weights on me
Nothing I could do for tears burns me up
So I seek for you, May
To merge and restore what’s broken inside
And give me a purpose to get off the couch
And smile for the sun that shines even in winter
For no matter how dead I feel inside

Mom, needs me to be alive.

©Kitty Minaj

BOOK SALE

20210424_081221-2

How To Smile When You’re Dying Inside

We all have that one day, were you can not even if you try, share a smile. A day so blurry that we struggle to face, struggle to avoid and it lurks in deep that it kills the only muscle that brightens a day. So what do you do when a day blurs in your eyes and everything around you explores with no sound but hurts in your heart and you can not seem to share a smile?

$2.99

Best Friend

Like a lightning ray clamming from afar
I wished for a shooting star
A wish that could redeem my heart
A soul that could save my life
An extra breath that could warm my skin
A truest life that consume my loneliness
But like a star it’s out of my reach
A distant faith I longed to have 
But a cursed soul I remain alone
With no smile to share the scars
No laughter to endorse the silence
Enchanted a broken love it is
Tears rejoiced my twisted faith
Walls filled my unspoken words
Pain took over my darkest world
Demons became my remedy
A best friend I longed to have
Is a shadow that left my sight.

©Kitty Minaj

April Feel…

April feel
My brain soaking under water
Struggling to not give up
But overwhelmed with circumstances

April feel
My back against the wall of needles
Struggling to carry all the baggage
Alone, for no body seem to care

April feel
My heart silently break apart
Struggling to mend it’s own faith
For life is too much to bare

April feel
My soul is drowning
Struggling to breathe
Crowded by pain and suffering

April feel
All that I am but cannot be
For every step I take is a struggle
For life always knocks me deep down.

©Kitty Minaj

Broken Anxiety

I wanted to write my heart out
But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing
My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen
And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self.
All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life
As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor
Feeling the aching twitch of my veins
And the trembling pain of my body
As I try to acknowledge my broken soul

©Kitty Minaj

Won’t Miss Tomorrow

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is not just far and cruel
Yet filled with unknown adventures
That a destined to break my heart

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it scarier than the dark
And you get to watch the knife,
Gets in right through your skin

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it doesn’t know kindness
And it destroys happiness
Leaving me all depressed

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is worse than today
It trumbles deep into your wounds
Making them hurt even more

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is full of pain
A battle I always seem to lose
Yet struggles I always gain

I won’t miss tomorrow
For time has proven to not heal
Yet lingers in more damage
That destroyed my faith of living.

©Kitty Minaj

Journey Of My Heart

Like a memory my heart became
It was never the same
Born with so much scars in my faith
Tears were all I could share in life
Love was always hidden in my view
Yet it manage to break me apart
I grew stronger in time
But in time I become weaker
My soul couldn’t bare all the wounds
And my sorrow couldn’t carry the baggage
Tried so hard to heal this pain
But a curse runs in my veins
It took away my passion and dreams
Left me with no one to run too
But a darkness I couldn’t face
Yet it surrounds me with fear
This life is hard to live
My heart hurts, it’s hard to breathe
Like fire burning inside
Feels like I could rip it apart
Who on earth can heal this heart?

©Kitty Minaj