April Feel…

April feel
My brain soaking under water
Struggling to not give up
But overwhelmed with circumstances

April feel
My back against the wall of needles
Struggling to carry all the baggage
Alone, for no body seem to care

April feel
My heart silently break apart
Struggling to mend it’s own faith
For life is too much to bare

April feel
My soul is drowning
Struggling to breathe
Crowded by pain and suffering

April feel
All that I am but cannot be
For every step I take is a struggle
For life always knocks me deep down.

©Kitty Minaj

Broken Anxiety

I wanted to write my heart out
But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing
My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen
And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self.
All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life
As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor
Feeling the aching twitch of my veins
And the trembling pain of my body
As I try to acknowledge my broken soul

©Kitty Minaj

Won’t Miss Tomorrow

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is not just far and cruel
Yet filled with unknown adventures
That a destined to break my heart

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it scarier than the dark
And you get to watch the knife,
Gets in right through your skin

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it doesn’t know kindness
And it destroys happiness
Leaving me all depressed

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is worse than today
It trumbles deep into your wounds
Making them hurt even more

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is full of pain
A battle I always seem to lose
Yet struggles I always gain

I won’t miss tomorrow
For time has proven to not heal
Yet lingers in more damage
That destroyed my faith of living.

©Kitty Minaj

Journey Of My Heart

Like a memory my heart became
It was never the same
Born with so much scars in my faith
Tears were all I could share in life
Love was always hidden in my view
Yet it manage to break me apart
I grew stronger in time
But in time I become weaker
My soul couldn’t bare all the wounds
And my sorrow couldn’t carry the baggage
Tried so hard to heal this pain
But a curse runs in my veins
It took away my passion and dreams
Left me with no one to run too
But a darkness I couldn’t face
Yet it surrounds me with fear
This life is hard to live
My heart hurts, it’s hard to breathe
Like fire burning inside
Feels like I could rip it apart
Who on earth can heal this heart?

©Kitty Minaj

Fix Me, February!

My soul has had enough
In this world I do not belong
Yet I can not seem to escape
Have mercy on me, February
I can’t bare anymore pain
How many times do my heart have to break
In order to gain my freedom of life
Or do I not deserve to live in joy
Do I not deserve to live with love
Fix me, February, my heart aches
Numb my wound and hide the scars
Please restore my sorrow
Fix me, February, it hurts
Trying to breath in darkness
And to smile with so much trauma
Oh please fix me, dear February
Teach me how to forgive
My self for all this pain
And life for being so cruel
Teach me how to love
The smallest things life has to offer
And myself when love’s being distant.

©Kitty Minaj

If The Walls Had A Heart

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my innocence
When I grew to be hated
Confused and asking why to the room

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my anger
Of redemption that I never got
From the God I prayed for help

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my pain
Of all that I been through
Failing to heal the wounds

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my need
To escape this cruel world
One suicide attempt after another

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my resentment
Trying to learn how to forgive
By blaming my self for everything

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel the hurt
That love filled me with
While hitting me to the walls

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my soul
How truly broken I am
But always faking my strength

If the walls had a heart
They’ll feel my heart break apart
As the world curse me with mental illness
And unloved I felt with so many questions

©Kitty Minaj

Darkness Of The Crystal

Crystal darken my vein
Blooded became my eyes
Dried was the cry of tears
That lurks deep in my soul
Consuming the passion of my pain
Deep within a wounded heart
Lies a crystal of the world
Yet heaven stolen the peace
Of a hell reflected in my mirror
Frozen was the flash of warmth
Filled with pure hate
That protects a wondering life
Devowed by a dark crystal.

©Kitty Minaj

How Do I Forgive?

How do you forgive?
The smile that brighten your day
But now darkening your faith
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The eyes that showed you peace
But now showing you pain
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The warmth of his touch
But now feels so cold
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The pleasure that filled you up
But now breaking you apart
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The only heart that was made for you
But now just confusingly distant
Yet you can’t let go

How do you forgive?
The one that showed you love
But now breaking your heart
Yet you can’t let go

How do I forgive?
You, the one I love so much
But now hate with all my being
Yet resentment I remain without letting go.

©Kitty Minaj

Who Can I Run Too

Who can I run too?
When days are dark
Filled with sleepless nights
And endless horror

Who can I run too?
When my mind is blink
And my chest is burning
Struggling to breath

Who can I run too?
When I need an ear to listen
A heart to love me
And month to tell me “It’s okay”

Who can I run too?
When depression controls my mind
And anxiety ruling my life
And death denying my faith

Who can I run too?
When you can’t seem to care
And you can’t even be there
The one I love just disappear

Who I can I run too?
When I can’t recognize my own reflection
And I become a strange to myself
Losing the one I used to be

Who can I run too?
When the world is immune to my pain
And my struggles never seem to end
And I fail to help myself

Who can I run too?

©Kitty Minaj

Heart Of Stone

Heart of Stone
Blind from the truth
Weak from within
Breaking in silence
Strong in public
Fooling with charm
Yet dying inside
Heart of stone
But cares too much
Selfless is natural
Cries in the dark
Mask, to brighten your day
Yet heart never rest
Heart of stone
So heavy for my soul
Regrets trouble my sorrows
Peace fading like day
Memories haunts my spirit
Heart of stone
Traumas never end...

©Kitty Minaj