Gucc! · love · Sometimes · TeeBae · The mask · Writing

It Doesn’t Hurt No More

It was just yesterday; When I looked at the broken girl in the mirror, eyes blood red in tears and screaming, ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!!‘ Failing to see my value. Then suddenly I felt my knees weakening, chest burning like I swallowed a hot bun, felt my mind blurred out and strength eloping to the point that I hit the ground.

I collapsed in the cold arms of the floor. Feeling nothing but the pain in my heart, unable to save my drowning soul and hating myself for the way he treats me. My mind went blank as I called out your name. I shrink my body then let it go. My heart went from bom ba bom bom da ti…..then stopped. I don’t remember much from there cause I swear I vanished like ashes.

Numb, numb….Forgot to say goodbye.

Numb…Like the wind drifting through the sea, I felt your spirit in my body. And suddenly, my mind raced when you gentle whispered ‘I Love You‘ in my ear but it sounded like ‘I lust You‘ in a monster voice. I felt your soft touch but it felt like a scratch as my heart started beating so fast like a clock. My body moved yet still felt numb. I saw your face as I opened my eyes. I smiled and whispered, ‘I Love You, Gucc!’ to the wind hoping it’ll transfer the message.

I got up from the floor. Told myself that ‘True love is pain. And that it has to rain in order for the sun to rise. You see you’re everything to me and without you the world seem scary, it’d be hard to lift my head up. You’re the reason am breathing and be able to be me.’ In that thought I got in bed, closed my blood red eyes to sleep. The night was cold and nightmares haunted me like a dark night.

Today I woke up to no message nor call from you; though it didn’t hurt. I called and no answer; I didn’t care, normally I call like 10x but today I only called once. I then switched off my phone and focused on my to-do’s of the day. And I didn’t think of you not even once. For a moment I forgot your existence.

Phone switched on, I noticed that you posted another girl. Guess what, I smiled. For I was happy that you found someone better and with that though my heart was at a normal rate, I wasn’t choking, my anxiety didn’t panic and I wasn’t pretending. I shed no tears but happiness. It doesn’t hurt no more to see you replace me.

I finally understood the true meaning of love (to love hard and love when it’s apart), let it hurt then set it free. Now I am free; from all the torture and the cost of staying in a relationship with no value. Now I know my worth and I am happy that you’re happy; after all everyone is doing what’s best for them and so are you. With that thought, it doesn’t hurt no more.

It Doesn’t Hurt No More.

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