I can barely count all the people that claimed they loved me. Some promised me the world and some gave me their word and today I stand next to the bin in tears as I throw away each and every vow they made to me. For their love brought nothing but misery and I was left worthless.
I dreamt of love, all my life and I searched it everywhere til I gave up on it. But what I realised after was the fact that i couldn’t love me no more. I tried so hard to love me by getting a dog, until a human came and gave me the three word sentences that changed every perspective I had. Since then I had to find love.
I had to find love because I wasn’t capable of loving myself, I wanted someone who will love me and make me feel good about myself. Someone who can make me happy. Yes someone, I believed that love was a human. And in this world the worth are those who are loved. And so all I wanted was to be loved, so I can be able to love too.
Although I had a type, I found my self falling in love with every guy that claims they loved me. I noticed that as soon as I let them in, they’ll make me feel more and more worthless; I couldn’t understand why. I’d cry at night, beating my soul up and asking my self Why, How, but he loves me.
I believed in them. I believed in their fake love that i blamed myself for how worthless they made me feel. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I believed and preached to my self that kitty, you’re unloved. You see it wasn’t only boys but everyone including family members. I mean I was always good to them, wait, I’m always good to everyone but they still treat me like hell.
Though i sometimes disrespect my parents and go against their will but they still love me. How is that?? Well that made me realise that if true love does exist then your parents are your soul mates because they are your reflection, and since you are the reflection of your folks that means they are You, so if your folks are you and they love you then it means you love you.
They say a mirror lies but I say a mirror only lies if you don’t know your true identity. If you believe you are beautiful then beauty is what the mirror will reveal therefore if your parents love you and they are You then sweetie you need to reflect the mirror with positivity. Accept yourself and try to love you. No matter how hard it is because love doesn’t exist and no one knows how to love you but yourself.
You know how to love yourself. You need to love yourself because that’s the real true love. If your able to let go and love yourself, people will be able to love you too. I mean I couldn’t love me and they couldn’t too. But now that i know my worth, I know that true love is me. I don’t need anyone to redeem my true power.
Every process takes time, that’s why it’s important to be patient and let go of bad vibes and people even that hot crush that claimed to love you but keeps making you feel small. Just love your self as much as you wanna be loved. As long as you have one person that will teach you how to love, even if it’s not your parents but someone who loved you in the dark. And for me it was my folks and I’m grateful.
Love is not us. Love is you or me. We only like each other, that’s why we never reached the forever we always promise each other. It’s time to promise your self forever because true love is loving yourself and trust me that’s the only love that never dies but lives till infinity.