love · Sometimes · Writing

Virginity Vs Him

Nothing hurts like watching the guy you love beg for it, it even hurts more when he tells you it’s okay. I mean I don’t know how most girls did it but to me breaking your virginity is the hardest thing ever. Although I wish I was not a virgin, but most times I wonder….

I wonder how it feels to wake up with a hole in your vagina, or do you really wake up with a hole? I wonder about the pain when the penis is entering the vagina. Will I enjoy my first time? Will i satisfy him like a normal girl would. But most importantly after he broke my virginity what’s next??

Can we get married?? Can you promise me forever at least? Will you still like me like you used too?? Would you still need me? Although I see love and affection when you beg for it. It might not be true love but it’s real. It’s feels amazing, and really warm. But then again maybe that’s how lust feels like.

Maybe it is love but how will you know when every time he touches you, you end up in bed and next thing you know your jean is off, his shit unbutton while his hands are squeezing your breasts going down under your legs with an amazing feeling that makes you gasp as you touch his hand to stop it…

To stop him. Because as much as you love him, you love yourself more. And I don’t know why, but I know that no matter what eventually he’ll hurt you. Maybe after letting him in, because you only feel his love when he touches you. Most times he acts like you’re just his friend, not even trying to get in her pants.

But every time you stop him, and he gives you a very cute puppy disappointed look,”oh please, babe do you know you hurting me…” as he gets off angrily then cuddle you like you will run away and in that moment I swear, although you will feel loved but but guilt will deal with you.

The world will feel like it’s shaking in a romantic way as he squeeze you, giving you an amazing feeling which makes you question yourself if you should just let him in or not. Abd in that moment it’s like you stack between your commitment for your virginity and your love for the guy😢
And it’s hard to choose cause you will eventually lose one and probably regret your choice.

I love you so much. But as much as I am committed to you, my virginity is all I’ve got. To the point that I don’t mind dying a virgin than to get my heart torn in regrets with a hole in my vagina. Though I don’t have to choose, because love shouldn’t be about sex, sex is just the icing on the cake. I can have both.

You said no. I guess I have to let you go. I am committed to you but my commitment for my virginity is more important. I am a virgin with a plan.

-Patience

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