love · Writing


I Care…

The night was young and mostly evil. The devil was in my heart and I couldn’t put you first. I let him turn me on cause you were very sick. So I left you to satisfy his needs. But something rare happen, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I mean I thought of coming back but the devil had me under his wing even though you were in my blood all the time. So I kept you on my mind and watch the devil…

I shouldn’t have left you, I admit but as much as I want to blame it on starvation, I just can’t look back in your eyes and tell you i don’t know why I left and didn’t come back though I can tell you this: I really didn’t mean to leave you all alone in your sickest night and trust me MT, if I could turn back the clock, I would deny the thought in the second I told you I’m leaving.

You couldn’t stop me, I understand but if at least you told me you didn’t want me to go I would have stayed or came back because being with you means a lot to me. Holding your hand and allowing you to squeeze me like a child is all the life I love to live. Why?? At first I would say you are my buddy but now I’ve realised…

I’ve made a mistake that I would have to live with all my life. I’ve realised that a person will never learn, know or see if they don’t make mistakes. They are there to correct and guide us when we’re wrong. And I believe that what happened, happened for a reason even though it was selfish of me to leave you when you needed me most…

Mistakes- LEARN. Learning from your mistakes is seeing the truth beneath the wrong. I mean as much as we tried so hard not to expose our feelings to each other, You asked,”So you left me alone cause you were hungry?”, guilt badged in which made me realise that my appearance matters most to you and you really wanted me to be there with you but most importantly I realised how much you mean to me. And trust me NO words could describe it.

MistakE- KNOW. Knowing from your mistakes is when you realise and accept the truth in your wrong. More like learning from your mistakes cause all along we were keeping it cool acting like we just had a really close acquaintance, so when you said,”You taught me a lesson about people we think care for us,” I realised that I mean a lot to you and I’m more than an acquaintance nor friend but someone you rely or depend on. And it crushed my soul as I realised how much i care and adore you. If I Could I would do anything to show you how much i care.

Mistake- SEE. Seeing from your mistake is the results you get from your wrongs. Things change and you grow with extra knowledge/information. I saw the pain and disappointment when you concluded,”It’s fine though I wouldn’t hold any grudge against you cause it ain’t your responsibility to take care of me.” My world was shattered and torn up, felt like somebody took a knife and shove it deep in my heart when you said those words.

Your words were very deep and I understand where they coming from. They come from a man who was let down by a woman he really liked. I felt your soul in my skin troubling my bones. Your love destroying my vains, leaving me in a crumbling ground as my body crack like glass. I mean I would have been mad too if you did the same cause I like you a lot.

Can’t lie, You were there for me when I needed you and even when you didn’t have too. You spent the night with me when I felt like I was really dying. I mean we spend almost 60% of our time together and it never occurred to me that we might be more than we claim to be. I mean you were just a friend though people keep nagging about you being my boyfriend.

I’M NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY,” your words are like weapon they really wounded me. But they made me realise I’m more than a friend to you. I mean I was literary going insane feeling like I’ve lost you. A boy who cares so much about me than to smash me. I mean the only person who I can run to and would actually welcome me with open arms. I smiled alone because I finally realised…

It’s hard to admit it cause I never thought I would feel this way for anybody. I know I let you down so badly, forgive me and please believe me when I say this, It is my responsibility to take care and care for you. Because I LOVE YOU. YES, I really do. You mean a lot to me and I hope you forgive me and everything goes back to normal.

It took me a while and it cost me a mistake to make/ justify how exactly I feel for you. And this misunderstanding has made me realise how much i love you but then I walked out the door and I’ve lost everything with you in it….


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