love · The mask

Hurt But Not Broken

It’s been days now since I’ve looked at my reflection in the mirror, the last time i looked at it i couldn’t recognize the person looking back at me. She was strange and different in so many ways. And i promise never to see her again….

00:11, having sleepless night. Just laying in bed looking at the light shining so bright i can’t help but let the tears ran out. I cried and looked at the poster of Nicki Minaj next to my bed, ‘Mom what have i become?’…i’ve changed.

I’ve become my own enemy. I am not myself. I’m going crazy, seriously insane. I mean i though i could live without love. I thought i could live without him, without you. But not having you has turned me into something worst than a monster.

Newsflash…i am no longer afraid of the light. Infact i think i fear the darkness now. I pretend alot and sometimes i don’t even know if I’m faking it or not. I’m no longer an innocent girl. I’ve gone bad. Although I’m still a virgin…

Tears keep running down my face…all i do is hurt people. I have a couple of guys thinking I’m dating them. I kiss n hang with them but they just friends to me. I get them horny and leave them hanging. It ain’t good but i enjoy watching them beg for it, seeing them disappointed feels like I’m hurting you.

Boys are suffering for your sins. You broke my heart, you crashed my soul and you destroyed me. I was lost for long and couldn’t find my way cause i had no heart to guide me, no soul to rescue me and i had no idea where i was going.

With all that I’ve been through, all that you put me through, I’m proud to say i blame my self for everything. Yes i blame me because when you walked out my life i forgot to do one thing…i refused to forgive you. And i tried seeking comfort in breaking others thinking i was breaking you.

Today i am not crying because I’ve changed or that you left or feeling sad. I am crying because i let go, i let go of all the guys i was hurting, let go of my ego, let go of my broken heart, my crashed soul and letting go of myself. You see i have no where to run nor hide, but now that i have faced me. I feel free…..

I’m letting go of everything i can not change. But most importantly i am letting you go. I am setting you free. I FORGIVE YOU! As i forgive me too hoping you’ll also do the same. I still love you so much but i know you love her dearly too and that makes me happy….

Hurt but not broken…


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