Darkness Of The Crystal

Crystal darken my vein
Blooded became my eyes
Dried was the cry of tears
That lurks deep in my soul
Consuming the passion of my pain
Deep within a wounded heart
Lies a crystal of the world
Yet heaven stolen the peace
Of a hell reflected in my mirror
Frozen was the flash of warmth
Filled with pure hate
That protects a wondering life
Devowed by a dark crystal.

©Kitty Minaj

Wrinkle In Time

Trapped by my own mind
When life became unkind
I was broken inside
Nothing in my life was right
My world was falling apart
Humanity continued to rip my heart
I had no where to run
Got to pull a trigger in this gun
For time couldn’t heal my pain
Wounds was all I could gain
Rapped by my own fears
Drowning in my own tears
Scotch by expectations
Wrinkled was the situation
A life in darkness
I remained in my own nest
Being alive felt like a crime
Wrinkle was my time

©Kitty Minaj

Jan I’m Worried

I am glad to see you, January. You’ve always been the better month of them all and I am delighted that you’re here. It’s a new year and I am so pleased to have been granted a chance to be here. To make new choices and discover more about myself and who I am meant to be. But I am so worried about the next chapter…
I never thought that I would write the same things I wrote in the past year but I am worried. This should be a writing about the excitement of the new year but instead I am writing about what’s depressing me lately. Change is always been challenging. It’s just hard. I am scared of it. I don’t want to change but I have to.
Everything around me is changing, the beauty of the flower I used to love, the youth of my own parents, the eyes of my own reflections, the heart of my lover and the actions of all the people I used to know. The most terrifying change of all is the growth of my age.
I love who I was before and I still do but does independence comes with a notebook or request because somehow I feel like I need to change who I am just so I can fit in into the dynamite? What is change exactly, is it the format of changing who you are for a better new you or is it the format of changing what’s around you to accommodate your own desires?
I am worried to take the next step in life because I don’t want to be hurt no more. And I’m worried that also me being worried could result in me hurting my faith and self even more. Therefore what do I do when the cruelty of not knowing troubles my soul.
January, I pled to you to help me figure out the way forward. I need to move on in this musty road I face. I hope you’ll be there to guard me and help me through.
And please help everyone make better choice for this new year. Let everyone enjoy with love and success. And please, January, deal with covid-19, his trying to possess our lives, make a plan to stop his evil plans.

To change
Love new year.
©Kitty Minaj

Happy New Year

Happy New Year
Love Called at 23:59
But anger pushed it away
At 00:00 love come with a huge smile
I didnt know why a new year was happy
Until love held my hand
It gave me hope
And it told me, this is a new start
You’re free, to change for us
To forgive for love
To accept the doings of nature
Love then squeeze me so tight
In the arms of love I felt pain
Then love said, it’s going to be okay
I am not going anywhere
I’ll be here when you need me
Love then kissed my forehead
And said, happy new year, mental patient
I giggled, and couldn’t stop smiling
It was a happy NEW YEAR INDEED.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

©Kitty Minaj

Last Day Of The Year

On this day, I want to make a change. A change that can help me ease the pain.
On this day I wanna forgive…well, I wanted to forgive my self but I have been doing that the whole year and it hasn’t work at all.
I tried to accept who I am and my pain but I am more confused than I should and maybe it’s because I don’t know who I am anymore. I tried to love me the way I need to be loved but how can I love me when no body loves me, I mean what is it about me that pull them away and how do I over come that.
I tried to be bold yet being different is hard and I’ve been mistreated for not being like everybody else, where do I fit in? I tried success, but I am cursed so never mind…rejection is all I get.
I tried everything I could just so I could have a better year. I knew on the 31st December 2019 that 2020 was going to be hell and trust it was more than hell. Even the devil himself wouldn’t handle half of my pain.
Therefore on the last day of this year, I am not going to make it special. Because for me it’s just a day. And tomorrow is another day not a new year, because there won’t be anything new about it. Just another day of more misery and pain for me. When everyone smiles, I’ll be crying.
Just like how I predicted this year, I am also positive that 2021 wont be any different. And I promise not to force things, I won’t try to have a better life, I am giving up.

PS: YOU DON’T HAVE TO GIVE UP.

How Do I Forgive?

How do you forgive?
The smile that brighten your day
But now darkening your faith
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The eyes that showed you peace
But now showing you pain
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The warmth of his touch
But now feels so cold
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The pleasure that filled you up
But now breaking you apart
Yet you can’t seem to let go

How do you forgive?
The only heart that was made for you
But now just confusingly distant
Yet you can’t let go

How do you forgive?
The one that showed you love
But now breaking your heart
Yet you can’t let go

How do I forgive?
You, the one I love so much
But now hate with all my being
Yet resentment I remain without letting go.

©Kitty Minaj

Love Is Compromise

I Know Forever When I Look In Your Eyes
And I Feel Forever When I Lay In Your Arms
Today Might Not Be Alright
Yet Tomorrow Is A Promise If We Stick Together All Night
Love Is A Compromise
And I Compromise My Freedom
So Use Me Till Infinity
I Swear This Feels Right
For I Love You So Much.

©Kitty Minaj

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas
Is a day of peace and quite
A day of no tears and pain
A day without feeling depressed
Or having anxiety attacks
A day where you learn to smile
A real smile without breaking apart
A day of give thanks to being alive
And not feeling suicidal.
I just want you to be happy
And enjoy this day with all your loved ones

All I want for Christmas
Is for everyone to have a happy,
MERRY CHRISTMAS

©Kitty Minaj

Words Vs Feelings

I said I am not going to cry
With tears in my eyes
Flawing hard like someone died
It felt like my heart did

I said he is not worth it
Yet I need him more
So how do I let it go
It felt like I crashed my soul

I said it’s okay,It’ll pass
But holding on to him feels right
Or am I lying to myself
It felt like I was a fool

I said no more Relationships
But I need love so bad
Yet I keep messing up
It felt like I’ll never be loved.

©Kitty Minaj

Who Can I Run Too

Who can I run too?
When days are dark
Filled with sleepless nights
And endless horror

Who can I run too?
When my mind is blink
And my chest is burning
Struggling to breath

Who can I run too?
When I need an ear to listen
A heart to love me
And month to tell me “It’s okay”

Who can I run too?
When depression controls my mind
And anxiety ruling my life
And death denying my faith

Who can I run too?
When you can’t seem to care
And you can’t even be there
The one I love just disappear

Who I can I run too?
When I can’t recognize my own reflection
And I become a strange to myself
Losing the one I used to be

Who can I run too?
When the world is immune to my pain
And my struggles never seem to end
And I fail to help myself

Who can I run too?

©Kitty Minaj